The Silenced Casebook

My Lovely Nephew Nathan

2012-01-28T22:12:00.000+08:00

Adorable - Yep, he is just lovely! He is growing each day & how I hope I am able to witness it... Anyhow, I am attaching pictures of him as proof (of his endearing looks).

N-A-T-H-A-N

Ngeline

New Year, New Leaf, New Rules~

2012-01-27T23:58:00.000+08:00

New Year - Yep I know it is kinda late for me to wish everyone Happy New Year but still... Happy New Year everyone!!! When 12midnight strikes on 01/01/2012, I was busy cleaning up my hostel room (thankfully my roommate is with me) and doze off right after that. Lame huh? I think so too~ ***wink***

New Leaf - It is already a myth whereby people often believe a brand new year is a brand new "life". People tend to believe each brand new year would bring different luck towards them. That is the reason why Feng Shui existed! On the other hand, some may find a brand new year is a chance to let off the past & move on to the next chapter. Hmmm...

New Resolution - I have prepared a list of guidelines for myself this year & I hope I am able to walk through it. Below are the guidelines:

1. No camplains
2. No gossips
3. Accept things as it is + Go with the flow
4. Talk less, listen more
5. Being grateful at whatsoever given situation

Gapi New Yeah!
Ngeline

Christmas is all about Giving & Sharing

2012-01-27T23:31:00.000+08:00

Ding Ding Dong - Christmas! A celebration which I enjoyed a lot & I believe others will too~ What I remembered most about Christmas are sharing & pressie!!! Santa... Hohoho... Rudolf... Snow... Wishes... Fairy Godmother... etc. Oh, and not to forget it is a celebration of Jesus's birthday :)

Pressie & Gifts - Speaking of this, I think I received more of it last Christmas (2011) compared to previous ones. **Smiling** Anyway, it is never easy to buy gifts for friends & family. I have a really hard time searching high and low for the "right" gift for everyone. Sometimes I did wonder if they ever liked my gifts. Hmmm~ I guess they have the same problems as I am when they bought gifts for me. I have to admit I am a lil' fussy BUT I loved everything that was given to me, okay~

For Them - Below are the few gifts which I got for my friends & family (aiks... forgotten to capture mummy's, daddy's, vinc's, bro's, yeen's, & group's gifts).

Rebecca & Penny

Uncle

Rebecca (Birthday Gift)

Angel

Siti Amoi

For Me - Gifts from friends & family!!!

From Rain, KY, & Beldon

From roommate YY

From David

From Bro & Vinc

From Beloved Mummy

From Hong Ying

From Becky

From Jo Lyn

From Penny Sampat

From May Way

From Teck Poh

Ho Ho Hoh!

Ngeline

Eyeliners: A Magical Ink that Create Wonders II

2011-11-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

Obsession - I can never get enough of liners! It does not matter if it is a pencil liner, gel liner, liquid liner, I just lurve it! Sigh~ Apparently, I own 4 pencil liners, 5 liquid liners, & 1 amazing gel liner. Wohoo! It is a record! I am admitting that all these liners happened to be here due to my non-stop buying hands & also thanks to the sales person in stores, that often being so nice and helpful... Yikes!

Liners - Recently, I was introduced to Cyber Colors Gel Liner & trust me, IT IS GOOD! It stays longer than usual and it does not smudge at all. I am unsure if it was the effect of eyeshadow (which I brush on after having the liners on) that makes it last. Not only that, it was somewhat cheap & affordable. Just drop into any Sasa store, you will have no worries in getting one of it!

It comes with a brush

Cyber Colors Gel Liner - Black

The Packaging

Recommendation - However, as I was busy promoting Cyber Colors Gel Liner, my colleague was recommending Majolica Majorca Perfect Automatic Liner. She said it is good, lasted around 8 hours (we are working in door), & does not require any eyeshadow. The price? Affordable & cheap!!! Still, we are only able to purchase it in Watson's store. Well well, wait 'til I get one of those for experimenting! Ngek Ngek Ngek~~~

Majolica Majorca Liners - Courtesy from musingonbeauty.blogspot.com

Closer View of the Tip - Courtesy from rougedeluxe.blogspot.com

Dang! - I guess I am going to get into trouble again for purchasing so many liners. Seriously, some of it still brand new~ Cannot help it though~ **Grin**

Perfecto! - Courtesy from makeupandbeautyblog.com

Eyes Eyes Baby!

Ngeline

A Maniacal Obsessiveness on Skirts

2011-11-02T22:54:00.000+08:00

Fashion - It has been a curse for decades on every women in the world to savour fashion. It can be apparels, make-up, hair dressing, you name it. However, fashion is always on the go and it changes rapidly. Different places have different "style" and every successful "style" influences people. These styles changes according to seasons as well!

Must or Must Not - However, not many are indulging themselves in it. Some find it unnecessary while others takes it to the extreme. Well, for me, I find it necessary on certain occasions and perspectives i.e. dressing to work (esp if one is a customer service personnel), attending a dinner (wedding, birthday parties, etc), and more to list. Hence, it is always necessary to know how to groom and be eye-pleasant on different occasions.

Skirts - Alright, speaking of fashion and apparels, I have 2 favourite fits; dresses and skirts! be it bodycon (short for body-conscious), skin-tight, mini(s), pencil, flippy, flannel, maxi, etc. Dang! Those made me go wild~ And so, I have bought a whole great deal of skirts via shopblog(s), retail shop(s), bazaar(s), and apparel market(s).

Picture courtesy from styleglitz.com

Fav bodycon skirt

Picture courtesy from yournextskirt.com

Picture courtesy from collegefashion.net

Flaunt your leg plurrrrrseeeee...

Ngeline

HAPPY BIRTHDAY N-A-T-H-A-N!!!

2011-11-01T22:22:00.000+08:00

A very happy wonderful blissful amazing birthday to NATHAN!!!

Coco taste great!

Ngeline

Eyeliners: A Magical Ink that Create Wonders

2011-11-01T22:12:00.000+08:00

Eyes - Basically, I am blessed with a pair of "Japanese/Chinese" single eyelid eye. The only trouble I have is that my eyes looked so tiny that sometimes my colleagues and friends wonders if I am sleeping or having troubles seeing them/things. Truth is I am able to see everything clearly!

Solutions - Ah Hah! Here comes the miracle magical ink pencil! It does not only enlarge the eyes BUT it also create temporary double eyelids! Amazing huh! Also, it gives a very fresh look.

Troubles - Solutions does provide troubles too~ After a few hours of wearing the liners, the "ink" would either disappear, smudge, or cracked (which is very obvious especially on fair skinned). I have tried applying multiple layers yet the troubles still unsolved.

Advice(s) - One of my bestie recommended primer (from M.A.C). It helps a little but it is still not solved completely. However, currently I am using The Face Shop liquid liner + Loreal pencil liner + primer + eyeshadow. Oh yes, I have multiple applications! Yikes!

Loreal Pencil Liner "Contour Khol"

Liquid Liner from Beauty Buffet (Thailand)


The Face Shop Liners (left - newly bought & right - currently using)

Celebrities / Artistes - Watch any Korean movies/series/music videos, you will find both male and female artiste/celebrities drew liners! No wonder they looked wonderful on screen! (Pssst! Their cosmetics are darn cheap too!)

Min Young - Picture courtesy from viki.com

Yoon Ji - Courtesy from ghikistary.blogspot.com

Yoon Ji - Courtesy from app.yonhapnews.co

Draw me eyes!

Ngeline

The virus of "Bruno" in my head

2011-11-01T21:13:00.000+08:00

Galling - It galls me a lot when Bruno's song are being played. Do not get me wrong; I love his songs just as much as anyone else BUT it is annoying when he sang so brilliantly! His voice, his melodies...darn it! I hated him because I love his songs in a very extreme way~ Sigh~


Picture courtesy from rap-up.com

Emotions - Do you feel the same way as I do when listening to his songs? Gosh! He is so darn good with melodies and lyrics... He made me emotional; made me wanting to be in love...forever. Hmmm...

Here are some of his B-E-S-T songs:

1. Starting Today

2. Runaway

3. Who Is (superbly nice!)

4. Long Distance

5. Marry You

6. Talking to the Moon

7. Today My Life Begins (thumbs up!)

~~hum humming~~

Ngeline

A Stochastic Speeches

2011-10-24T23:26:00.000+08:00

Birthdays - Seriously, I am facing the love-hate relationship with birthdays. I would encounter major head-wrecking and mind spinning process during the gift selections at shopping markets. Whats even worst is, I would normally went belly-up!!! Can you imagine having 4 to 5 friends celebrating their birthdays in the same month? (I have not included colleagues birthdays yet!). This month I have 6 birthday gifts to prepare & lucky enough next month would be a low "birthday" season... Hehehehehe...

This month's babies (which I am able to capture on my cell cam);

Nathan's Birthday

Angel's Birthday

May's Birthday

Shopping - Alright, as I was busy selecting and purchasing gifts for those babies, I could not resist the temptation to not buying anything for myself. Hence, I bought myself a few cosmetic items - eye shadow and primer. Well, it is a sooner or later purchase. So I went around buying it a little earlier~ hehehehehehehe

M.A.C Primer

M.A.C Eye Shadow Set

Network - I am a full-time supporter of "Yellow Man" for nearly a decade. However, I cannot deny the weak network support of it. While I was busy selecting and browsing shops by shops for suitable gifts, nobody was able to reach me (due to "no service" issues). I was somewhat frustrated of the continuous lousy network service! Can you imagine there is no service available in shopping malls? Dang!

This was taken by my colleague during a training session in one of the classroom

Hmmmm.....
Ngeline

Sometimes I hope....

2011-09-17T22:21:00.000+08:00

Hope - In every point of my life, I often have plenty of hopes & wishes... Sometimes I would even have ridiculous ones... But to think about it again, what does it mean? We have been repeating it numerously & does it ever been answered? Curious~

Me - I am very much fond of hope & yet I am unsure if it has ever been answered. Sometimes it came, I guess... You see, during my weakest point in life, which it occur quite frequently, I have plenty of hope(s).

I hope I could have a shoulder to lean on...

I hope I am able to run away from here

I hope when I wake up, everything is just a dream

I hope I can solve this problem(s)

I hope I can just be....invisible

I hope...

Yet - Yet I am still here, shouldering all the same burden, same issues, same problems, same ignorant, same old life... People often told me that what I have today was build by my very own hands...Sometimes I agreed, sometimes I don't. Sometimes, I just don't believe it... But come to think again, it is true... Every path we'd taken were path that chosen by us...

Then & There - I hope I could change my destiny, my fate, my life... I am not upset but I seriously dislike the condition I am living in... I am hoping to have a normal life, with a blissful family, with a satisfactory working environment & colleagues, in a normal yet beautiful place...

Can I Have it?

Ngeline

I like gifts!!!

2011-05-02T20:23:00.001+08:00

Happy - I am excited today when Hui Ying, Brenda, & me had a catch-up session with Alice. Tho we are working under the same roof, we seldom had the chance to meet what more catch-up session. Then and there we was talking about her Korea trip. It is very exciting to hear vacations stories : ) I was happy, as if I were the one who went Korea!!!

Gifts - Anyhow, she bought us souvenirs and Hui Ying was overwhelmed by that!!! She started smiling from ear to ear & mumbling that it was Christmas season. LOL! So there was mask, ginseng candy, & a nail clipper for us originally from Korea!!! Yay!

More - Well, it wasn't Alice alone that is giving out souvenirs, Brenda did too! On her previous leave, she went Singapore with her family. She showed us videos and pictures of her vacation in Singapore and boy! that place is fascinating! Even Resorts World Sentosa looked awesome!

More Gifts - Yippie! Once again I have souvenir to collect. Brenda bought us pouch (more like a shilling pouch but I like it anyway~ ) At the outer part of the pouch, each and everyone's were different. Mine stated "I Want A Pay Rise" while some other was written "Money is not the problem but no money is a problem", "Hard Earned Money", and etc...

Ah.....

Ngeline

B-O-R-I-N-G!!!

2011-04-26T21:02:00.000+08:00

Boredom - I am sick of my "jobless" days at work! Since the swapping of portfolios, I had none to do~ Darn! All this is driving me insane!!! I mean I still have some petty things to do from time to time (and most of those things can be completed within minutes) but mostly nothing~ Sigh~

At Work - During the entire working hours, I'd been walking around, disturbing designers, looking and "busybody-ing" around... I am "jobless" to the extend I am able to copy movie dramas daily from my designers~

Events & Tournaments - There are estimation of 15 events & tournaments until the month of July but mostly still pending for confirmation. However, it is weird tho that I have many events to get prepared of but yet I have nothing to do...

Be It - Well, since I'd been working really hard on my precious portfolio, I will take this as a break. I believe that everything that happened, happens for a reason.

Ngeline

The torture of waiting...

2011-04-16T23:35:00.000+08:00

How long must I wait? Or how much longer must I wait?

Please do not torture me like this anymore...

Ngeline

Heart-Ache

2011-04-16T23:13:00.000+08:00

Why does the heart ache whenever we feel sad or upset? Why does the heart feels uncomfortable when we hears unpleasant news? I really hated all sort of these feelings but somehow I cannot be excused. Why?

Today Jack walked me back (okay, he sort of heading towards the same direction) and I was quite excited. We was walking side by side heading back to our dorm whilst chatting. He was telling me that he will be leaving soon where his last working day would be April 26th. Then and there, I can sense the excitement and happiness he felt... But I was devastated.

This is sickening of me to feel upset over this! I have to stop feeling like this or else I am going insane~

Ngeline

Trip to Shopping-vaganza!!!

2011-03-01T22:22:00.000+08:00

I am HAPPY!

1. Have lunch with Tien at The Street (Sakae Sushi). She belanja!!!

2. Met Tien's colleague, Alice, another person to add into my friend list. Plus she is from

Malacca.

3. Bought perfume (Juliet - from Japan) which the scent is similar to De Morgan (with

cheaper price).

4. My ATM troubles all gone.

5. Tien bought a box of Big Apple for me and gang.

6. I do not need to work for a day!!!

La...la...la...

N-geL

The End of February

2011-03-01T00:55:00.000+08:00

I am not pleased at all though it is the last day of February... I am the biggest fan of all month-end but not today. Okay I am upset with my wages (I should have more than the amount I got!) & I am not able to have the shop-till-you-drop kinda event anymore!!! Sick!!! The management are sucking up all the CNY payments as well as the double-pay payments. Darn!

That is the grand opening of devastation. Here comes number two; pathetic colleague a.k.a friend. Her name's self-pity. She thinks the world owes her & she thinks that she's the only,one person that are very unfortunate. Shame on her to have those thoughts! Shame on her... I have to admit that I am very sensitive towards her words and actions due to the closeness and bonds that we had. She, a foolish girl, chooses to take everyone's love & kindness for granted. It will never be enough for her.

I on the other hand chose to walk out of her (nah... I am still considering). It is very frustrating to have miserable friend whom share nothing but misery. I had given her uncountable chances to be grateful & happy yet she pushed everyone away... I am sick and loathe of her attitude! Darn! I am no Mother Teressa & I am no Gandhi. I have tolerance limits & I guessed she did not realize that, yet. She is driving me nuts with her foolish yet pathetic comments which drowns my happy moments... She is such a misery...

The last but not least occurrence that causes unhappy events was the announcement of portfolio rotations. It will be effective from 31 March onwards (and I really hope those days will not come). Sigh¬ Nothing stays permanently, right?

Happy Days. Come... Come...

N-geL

Something to Yap About...

2011-02-09T23:05:00.000+08:00

A brand new year means a new journey to step unto... What happened in the past are not meant to bring forward, lets bid goodbye... It is easy to talk but never easy to walk the talk... Sigh...

It has been a long time since I last confide. I never really have the time to do so, do I? I have to admit I changed a lot. I felt older, very much older. Maybe it is because I buried myself too much into my work and nothing on life. Gosh, I need a break!

Anyhow, there are many joy and happening events to yap about! i.e. marriage, new born, love, you name it!!! Okay, one thing at a time!

My brother got married last summer, my birthday eve, & now I have nephew Nathan! Okay, I hate this little guy as he made my life miserable! He enjoys torturing me with his non-stop cry, his fussiness, screams, & worst - his smelly pampers! Lol! But I do miss him though when I am off to work.

Then recently, my cousin sister got married! Good new huh! And baby Jack (my another cousin's son) is going to have his 1 year old birthday soon! Not only that, there are more birthday celebrations coming! Not to forget the Chinese celebration, New Year means plenty of red packets... Muahahahahahahaha...

However with so many happiness and celebrations, I am leading a boring life. Other than work and family, I have nothing else! Gosh! Something has to be done! Currently there is no motivation and enthusiasm in me... What should I do, huh?

Oh wait! I remember having this adrenaline rush when I spoke to a guy from website dept. His voice was superb! He got this macho, soft yet very firm voice that cause my heart skip a beat. I was unable to speak properly! Hmmm... He made my day...

I know this sounds crazy but it is okay... I enjoyed this pathetic moment LOL!

Yap...yap...yap...

N-geL

Vacuous & Oafish

2010-12-06T18:05:00.000+08:00

Refinement in The Modern Era - It is unbelievably shock that many are a failure in civilisation & refinement. Most educated people, if were to compare with the less-educated ones, are a winner in being shallow of mannerism & excellence in thoughts. Seriously, I could not understand how people could be so selfish that they are able to ignore the basic human civilisation. Don't you think it is fearful that people nowadays were acting like a monster? Everyone is being selfish, that, they no longer imply that the elders, physically unfortunate people, and children should be given the priorities in any circumstances. Or in any case, women and ladies should be treated politely? Gosh, what on earth is happening?

Sicky People - I am working in a huge corporate company and i had to be honest that most people here were dumb people. They were not merely dumb but extremely idiot! The management was very talented in twisting facts. And trust me, most people who worked here were cunning and again, idiots! Emails, verbal talks, and constant continuous explanations on task are not enough for these morons. No matter how many trillion times were explained to them, they would always ended up complaining to bosses on how irresponsible my sections were. Sigh~ What on earth is happening??

Pathetic Colleagues - Having a lousy environment with a sicky management are little issue BUT working with pathetic & idiot colleagues worsen everything! Working with them was a big challenge as they constantly give me a heart attack and daily stress. I had to admit that they are a real dumb dumb!!! Damn It!!! What on earth is happening???

What on earth is happening?!?!?!
N-geL

Foolish Child

2010-11-07T00:59:00.001+08:00

Dissatisfaction - There was an act of mocking from my fellow designers (whereby some of them were my close friends) on a questionnaires given by my colleague. It is shocking to see them ridiculing executives for the dissatisfaction they felt about that particular questionnaire. I mean, what is the problem in filling up those papers? It is just a questionnaire!!! They were jesting at executives by saying plenty of ugly painful comments i.e. "We want to learn to polish bosses shoes, clean/wash their feet, & suck their toes". The upsetting part was that this statement mentioned by my close friend a.k.a designer.

Personal - Why are they taking all these rules & regulations personally? There is no right & wrong nor there is no need of comparison. If people were to compare everything in their lives, then there will be none that would satisfied them. When will they ever teach their inner child to learn to grow up? Seriously, they are such a pain in the ass!!! It is very disappointing.

Hell~

N-geL

Absolved From Depression

2010-10-18T01:11:00.000+08:00

Unconscious - It has been a week since I last smiled. I had all these weird emotional encounters during work day as well as during my rest time at night. I prescribed myself as tired & overloaded with work but never did I realized that I am falling into depression.

Depression - I do not know when this attack came but I know I am not feeling feeling well mentally and physically. During work day, I would lose control of my anger, emotions & at night I would cry myself to sleep. Throughout the entire week, my breathing was not synchronized. I had all these difficulties in concentrating, breathing, eating, and even sleeping.

Avoid - Everyday after work, I would rush back, locking myself in my room. I will not eat and I will not meet anyone. I just wanted to be alone. I was angry at my clients, my users, my management, & mainly myself. It is a shame for me for not being able to cope with all these obstacles. Sigh~

Pain - As I was in the state of unfit mentally, I hurt those people whom are closed to me; my family. I ignored them, I won't answer their calls, I rejected every invitation from them, & mostly would not want to meet them. I know I am not doing it right but I could not controlled myself. I do not want them to see me being in my weakest point! Sigh~ My brother was very upset & hurt, daddy was sad, mummy was worried, & they were all clueless of my conditions. I felt pain in my chest.

Better - But yesterday, I was getting better. After all those times being left in the dark tunnel, I saw lights~ Those lights that are trying to guide me back to my rightful path. Strength, I am gaining already. Now I am waiting for my bubbly self to come back to life. Where am I?

Hope - I dislike the way I am acting & feeling, therefore, I am promising myself to change. I regretted my actions which caused pain & hurt to my family, hence, I will never put them in that state again. Why worry, why hurry? No matter how bad a situation is, the world goes on isn't it?

Up Side Down & Right Side Up Again~

N-geL

A Compelling Force

2010-10-07T23:31:00.000+08:00

Pressure - A stranger would identify me as a happy person with no worries but people whom are dear to me would detect insanity in me. I may look bubbly at all times (and sometimes crazily sampat-ed) but deep down, I am suffering from an inordinate, dangerous, brain-sick stress; from work and working environment.

Insanity - The people here are crazy, nobody's sane. Some are plainly selfish & dang! they are very good in "tai chi-ing"! Even the tasks here are crazy! I am beginning to feel insanity as well. I am working each day with nothing but anger. Gosh~ I think I gonna have lotsa' grey hair soon~

Assessment - Everybody loves to give judgment based on surface without knowing what is inside. People often thinks that their perception and judgment were right and what they did not know is that each criticism they gave could insult one's dignity. Though it is wrong, people are still doing this.

Sincerity - There are zero honesty and sincerity here. Everyone are smiling from ear to ear but NEVER could trust them. Okay, I have to admit that not everyone here are insincere, that for sure but majority are fake. We are all adults but acting like a kindergartener! Damn it!

Exhausted - I am getting very tired each day, already. Seriously, I am not going to quit this easily but I will definitely find a way to get myself out of here. Or maybe to improve my way of looking at this sore-eyed people.

Chill... Relax...
N-geL

Get the engine started

2010-09-08T23:51:00.000+08:00

Engine - Well it is nothing mechanical, mostly brainy~ During my first two weeks at work, I nearly lost track of my brain's location. But after a month since I started my work, my brain goes hail-wire!!! Then and there I realized, the engine is getting started. Hmmm... The journey will be long, though. I wonder if the engine compartments could survive such journey...

Bearable - As the engine is moving, I hope the other parts of the whole machine is going to stay out together.My body, the machine, might not be able to bear any much longer if this condition continues. No, there isn't much pressure but it's the working environment that kills~ Of course the people are difficult, but I don't know~ Sigh~

Rides~
N-geL

Disappointment

2010-09-05T23:25:00.000+08:00

Rumours - I came upon an upsetting news today during dinner. My colleague told me that on one fine evening, Mr. D went out for a drink with his colleague and a student trainee. After several drinks, Mr. D actually went home with his colleague (a female colleague) and what happen next, there is no need of further elaboration. I do not know how valid this news could be, but I admit that I am affected by it.

Feelings - I am upset and disappointed. How could I not be? No, I am not in love with him but I definitely had some chemistry for him. It is weird. I always hated the way friends make fun of me (fooling me verbally with a guy, making me unconsciously had feelings for him). Sigh~ However, it is not like the world is ending. I am still alright.

Theories - Why does it always have to be like this? I almost banish my theory on Genting guys but now it is all proven right, again and again. Why does relationships in Genting was always this complicated?

......................
N-geL

Uh oh~

2010-08-29T00:28:00.001+08:00

Feelings - Okay, I am admitting in being bubbly whenever I saw him i.e office or out. It feels strange that I actually feel good whenever he walk past (even though he did not look into my direction) and
I often had the tendency to stare at his back! Damn, I am screwing my feelings right now~

Man - To not be rude, I shall start with a brief introduction of him. Names D, originated from Malacca (just like me) & stayed in Cheng (I lived there too!!!). He is not very tall, quite fair, average looking with toned body, average sized eyes, and he is a hell of a gentleman! He looks good in both casual & formal wear!!! Sigh~

Attitude - The main attraction I had on him is that he knows how to treat a lady well. It is darn difficult to meet a guy like him here~ Oh goodness, he is a real man, I shall say. He is very sensitive towards his surrounding, knowing what to do or how to act like how a man should be like when there are ladies around.

Bad - However the sad part is that he smokes and enjoyed drinking~ He drinks every single day!!! And I strongly suspected that he is addicted to GYM!!! He goes to gym whenever he has the chance to do so~ Sigh~

Confusion - So how? My friends told me that I am being obvious in liking him already (not towards him but my group of friends BUT I don't felt so at all).Somehow the good part is that he seemed oblivious about this~ LOL~ I will have to buried my head if he knows!

Destiny - I shall let my fate decide my destiny~ Lol~

Love, shall we?
N-geL

Lost

2010-08-27T00:08:00.001+08:00

New - It has been months since I last blog and there is a reason for this: job & employment~ After my finals in university, I had been searching high and low for suitable jobs & it takes around a month or more to get myself attached for interviews. I tried applying several companies that I had interest in but there were no responds from any of them. So finally I gave in, applied RWG, and got myself tangled in to the company now.

Adaption - For the first few days reporting to work, I had a very strong desire to tender my resignation letter as the working environment was somewhat terrible. They had a very bad management and system. I was devastated.

Work - The first week was hell for me and the following weeks are somewhat like a survival training. From then on, I kept on polishing my surviving skills, just so I would not feel suffocated. Work was okay, it is just the people that makes it worst~ Hmmm...

People - I had this "boss" where he enjoyed bullying newcomers. To make matter worst, he had this sidekick, a girl, whom is selfish. I do not understand their actions as to why being such an asshole when they can actually be nice. Sigh~ Anyway, this pathetic "boss" resigned (he tender his resignation months back) leaving behind his "beloved" sidekick which I loathed a lot. Overall, the other colleagues are allright.

Myself - However until today, I am having trouble getting through this. I am, seriously, having a hairy eyeball on my friend (who works in other sections) as her section is way better than mine. It is not easy for me to accept my life's changes but I know I had to... Lately I had been picking up bad values, worst practicing it; negativity. I started to obtain bad thinking, feelings, as well as perceptions. I do not want to let my bubbly side glide away as I will lose myself but... it is not easy for me to go all bubbly here~

Suffocation - I feel devastated and suffocated. I am not happy here. However I am challenging myself, giving myself another chance to prove that I am capable of doing anything without losing myself. I do not want to back down without trying. It makes no sense to go all down for tiny matters.

Abracadabra - There, I need miracle~

Wrong Tuning~

N-geL

Nothing

2010-07-22T01:16:00.000+08:00

Solitary - I am a solitary traveler in my own life journey, similar to a troglodyte. I often faced with boredom and tiresome. No, it's not like I have nobody, it's just that the feeling ain't right. I have a loving family with plenty of real-great-friends but still, I just don't feel right. I don't know why. When life is just too easy, it's driving me crazy.

Job - I am worried about my job hunting thingy as I am still jobless right now. Korean Airline & Genting's P&E Dept had selected me for the preliminary interview sessions and am now waiting for the final session. The interview sessions were "normal", nothing unusual about it. But during the interview sessions, I was extremely nervous!

Speechless - There are so much to talk about but I am unable to express it all out~ The aching feeling I am feeling right now is totally unspeakable... How I wish I could just turn off myself...

Sigh~

N-geL

.............................

2010-07-07T00:28:00.000+08:00

I am jobless & am broke

.........

N-geL

Little Life~

2010-06-14T01:25:00.000+08:00

Animals - Never I am a fan of animals, big or small. Not that I hated them but I'm just bluntly afraid and scared of them. Dogs... Cats... Mice... all of them! I know those animals are a nice creature but still, I fear of them. Lol! Anyway, 4 months back, my mother bought a sulphur-crested cockatoo parrot - to my amazement because my mother dislike animals.

Hello - I secretly named the parrot "hello" because whenever I said "hello", I get his attention (It is a male parrot)! Hello is very adorable but sometimes annoying. He is adorable when he started dancing but annoying whenever he feels agitated as he will make plenty of unbearable noises, bite something (whatever there is in the cage), and spilling the sunflower seeds to the ground. Sometimes my mother got frustrated, she fed him chili padi! Surprisingly, Hello loves it!!! Lol! Guessed he's a true Malaysian after all!

Picture - See! How well posed Hello is!!! My brother uses his brand new Sony SLR to capture this picture. At least, Hello willingly allowed my brother to take a few shots of himself, else he will look away and continue with his "one...two...kick!" dance routine. Lol!

Addition - Also as an addition to my family, my brother bought me fishes! He gave me an aquarium together with all the needed equipment as well as the fishes. He bought 20 fishes of neon tetra and glow-light tetra and 1 alga eater. That pathetic alga eater were lazy!!! Anyway, only 4 glow-light tetra survived (It is not my fault as my brother did not install the bubble air pump!).

Guilty - So as my brother felt guilty for "killing" my fishes, he bought me another 6 unknown name fishes and 2 chinese alga-eaters. At least my aquarium looks better now. Hehehe... It is good to the fact that I do not need to spend any money on my fishes as my brother becomes my main sponsor on this. Yippie~

Before the deadly massacre - 20 fishes of neon and glow-light tetra

After the deadly massacre - 4 glow-light tetras & 6 unknown name fishes

Anyhow, they look nice anyway ; )

Chirp chirp~ Bloop bloop~

N-geL

No Idea~

2010-05-30T23:51:00.001+08:00

Translation - Honestly, I can never decipher some of my friend's mind. Some are easy to decode and translate while some put me into zero translation. Sometimes or maybe most of the time their actions really surprised me and sometimes to the extreme of irritating me, emotionally. Sigh~

Again - Once again I foolishly and clumsily wore my heart on my sleeve while caused disappointment. Weird and stupid, I know but I can never say "no" to any of those I considered "friend".I am often rejected by those "friends" but somehow over and over again I welcome them and assist them when they are troubled by problems. Sigh~

Whatever - Anyway, I am not miserable or devastated so, whatever!!! LOL! It is almost like a routine for me to complain on stuff, so yea... But somehow thanks to other close friends, they actually bring out the best in me!And they changed me into being a humble happy person. After all why bother being upset?

Da Brainy Code?
N-geL

Confrontations..... not that bad after all~

2010-03-24T16:23:00.000+08:00

Difficulties - Ever since I had a new roommie, I am constantly in lousy moods... No, it is not because roommie is bad, it's just that I could not accept the "self-interest" attitude. It is difficult for me to deal with people who don't bother or care much about another person, especially close ones. Sigh~ I had been complaining day and night to friends and loved ones & thanked GOD, finally, I had the guts to confront this issues.

Confrontations - Lucky for me, everything goes smoothly. There is no argument or fighting occur. I feel better after all those negative feelings being washed out of me, it feels free... At least I did not back-stab or spell illness about roommie. Sigh~ I had been having a rough time and finally I have my silky road!!!

Breather - I had always hated this "ill" feelings about another person and I swear I could not sleep tight unless I confronted that issue. So here I am, feeling better, breathing the rightful pace, and I feel "lighter". I have been having a hard time suffocating on all those negative aura for the past few months and suddenly I feel stupid for not dealing with the issue sooner... Stupid me~

A difficult child?

N-geL

Dream of Love

2010-03-14T01:33:00.001+08:00

I am lost

I am blinded

And I could not hear a thing

My heart will not function normally

The paces are uneven

It beats a little faster than usual

I could not breathe

I am suffocated

Drowning

My body frozen

Benumbed

What had happened to me?

My brain

Drunk, unconsciously

Why?

I know why...

I am in love...

With a man...

Dreams that dreams of you~

N-geL

Little Tiny Needle

2010-03-08T22:05:00.007+08:00

Funny – Last Thursday I went to the clinic near my rented house to get a Hepatitis B vaccine and guess what? The down-to-earth kind nurses and doctor had an argument with me. Nobody can ever guess right on what we argued about; we argue about to do or not to do a Hepatitis A blood test. Whoah! The argument almost pisses me when the doctor and nurses finally gave in.

Story – Okay it goes like this. A month back, I got myself a full body checks up in one of the blood test lab as I often feel dizzy and almost fainted several times. So when I got the result from that blood test lab, I am not immune to Hepatitis B virus (and the lab lady urges me to get a vaccine). Hence I went to the clinic near my rented house to get the Hepatitis A & Hepatitis B vaccine as the clinic gives a very reasonable price. I told the nurses that I need the vaccine as I had already done the test and she asked if I got myself tested for Hepatitis A. I told her “no” as I only had Hepatitis B result but wanted both vaccines anyway. One of the nurses got upset and urges me to go back to the lab to “questions” the lab lady why she had not tested the Hepatitis A for me altogether. She kept on pushing and forcing me to leave the clinic and go straight back to the lab, so I told her “Never mind, I will get the Hepatitis A blood test here as you have such service, right?” and so hallelujah, the argument started. When she failed in the persuasion of getting me going back to the lab, it became the doctor’s turn to persuade me instead. Sigh~ it is just so frustrating! But anyway, they gave in and I won the argument.

Silly – Seriously I have never met anyone that is so darn honest and kind enough of not wanting to earn my money!!! WTH!!! It is so unbelievable!!! When I am in her consultation room, I asked her about the asthma inhaler which I often use and again, she gave me another shocking action; she wants to give me a new FREE inhaler!!! Oh God, she is just plain…kind?

Pain – Anyway when she jab the Hepatitis B vaccine into my vein, I felt the pain. It is quite painful and believes me; I have never been afraid of needles. The pain is still bearable but after she removes the needle, my hand went numb. And again, this lovely doctor commanded her nurse to get me a somewhat medicated drink. Do not laugh but that medicated drink is to calm me down and to make me feel unafraid already!!! WTH!!! The doctor treats me like a 10 year old little girl!!! Anyhow, Friday morning around 4am to 5am, I woke up due to the stinging feelings I had on my arm. Sigh~ I almost feel myself running back to the doctor to get another cup of that medicated drink! LOL! And until now I still feel that stinging pain with a limited arm movement… Sad... Sad…

Jab...anyone?

N-geL

Melting Away

2010-02-26T16:10:00.000+08:00

Hot - Darn! No, it is not the super hot sexy thingy but I am talking about the H-O-T weather!!! Gosh~ I can never have the right words to explain how hot I am feeling right now... It is more like being barbecued alive - 24/7!!!

Swimsuit - I came out with a fantastic plan actually, I proposed everyone to wear swimsuit (at home of course) because it is very convenient for us to just jump into shower/bath without having the need to undress our clothes + most of the home furniture is waterproofed. So.....what?

Ice Cream with extra ice?

N-geL

The Power of Z...

2010-02-25T23:35:00.003+08:00

Sleep a.k.a Z - The unconscious state of mind during a deep relaxing rest was taken. I seriously need THAT here and now!

Yawn~~

N-geL

A Selfish Brainless Barnyard~

2010-02-05T14:14:00.000+08:00

Self-Interested - I cannot believe I am living with a selfish freak!!! God knows how self-minded she is! She enjoys making assumption of others and never bothers to use her pea-sized brain to think… Oh God, please give me strength to face such kind of people. I could not describe how angry and furious I am right now because I had been repeatedly being exposed to her virus!!! How much longer can I bear? GOD!!! Alright, let me narrate the story just so everyone can understand~

Story – I went for my replacement class this morning (I do not have classes on Fridays) and my class ended at 11am. So this pathetic brainless barnyard asked if I wanted to have my brunch and before I could answer, she said she does not want to eat yet. Then I told her we will go get her blood test report first since it is still early (and I never claim of not wanting to eat). So I drove her to Damansara Utama to get her report whilst to pay her semester fees as well. I waited patiently in the car without grumbling or whatsoever. Finally, every chore is completed so we headed back home. I took my shower and wash my clothes (assuming I might be able to catch my late brunch later with her) and once done I headed downstairs to get my clothes hanged. WTF!!! I saw her sitting at the living room table unpacking her McDonald!!! So I asked her why she not asked me whether I wanted a set of that too and she bluntly replied “I thought you said you would not want to spend much money already so I did not ask. Plus you said you don’t want to eat.” What is the F&^*^&@ wrong with her brain? I DID NOT MENTION ANYTHING ON NOT WANTING TO EAT!!!

Silence – Sigh~ I am speechless on her bravo thinking skills, literally! We are roommates!!! Of course we have our lunches together or if she does not want to have lunch, she can just tell~ GOD! It is indeed obvious that we will have lunch together after we are settled isn’t it?

Heck – One of my friends told me that I should have know and get myself prepared for live-together disaster and yes, I take her advice for granted. I should have seen it coming! Damn! It is darn frustrating, ya know~ I can never be more thankful to God for having 2 wonderful roommies previously and I know they both had always cared about me. Seriously, I have never ever encountered a so much self-interested person in my life~ (exclude stranger, alright) C’mon we are roommates, we should look after one another and concern about each other isn’t it? Damn Damn Damn!!!

F-ish You!!!
N-geL

Rolls and Butts~

2010-01-31T01:09:00.001+08:00

Butt – Okay this is not a polite word to start with but “butt” is what bothers me right now. In my previous post, I mentioned that I had a new roommate and with this current one, we shared most things like TOILET ROLL. Guess you could see the connection now – Butt & Toilet Rolls. My pathetic butt is now deeply scratched merely caused by my roommate toilet roll. Her rolls are rough (like the Double A paper) and lousy! I told her my butt hurts but she would not believe and accuse me of exaggerating. Haih~

Toilet rolls - I am a big fan of Kleenex, Scotts, and Royal Gold tissues (and rolls too!). No matter how costly the tissues are I would buy it for the sake of my silky skin! LOL! Nah~ It is because I could not use any rough surface tissues as it might inflame my skin.

Environmental – Although I enjoy using tissues and toilet rolls, I still practice and preach “Save the Earth” message. Often I will try my best in using less “trees” for writing, butt, face, whatsoever purposes because I need to submit and read my notes in hardcopy form and I cannot carry a handkerchief around! Imagine the repetition of using the same handkerchief the whole day (Oily mouth, sweats, mucus – Heck!) Yuck!

Cute isn't it?

Bridge and bridegroom toilet rolls! Might consider to have this for my wedding!

Ngek Ngek Ngek!!!

Hansaplast anyone?

N-geL

I am smart yet stupid

2010-01-29T19:24:00.000+08:00

Bright – Since young I realized that I have the capabilities in learning fast and think fast. But do not get me wrong, academic wise I am not that intelligent! LOL! I am more of the practical or application person. I do not have like 1000GB or whatsoever and let me clarify that I owns like maybe 1GB memory space! I could not remember things clearly or being able to memorize anything easily, so yea~ anyway, among my peer group I consider myself bright. Sometimes I do get irritated at other’s imbecility; e.g. stuffing a key into a pad lock. Everyone knows that the flat part should face upright while the crooked face downwards BUT still some people just enjoy stuffing it the other way and ended not being able to stuff the key into the pad lock. WTH!!! Pudding head!!!

Dullard – In another angle, I am a half-wit! Seriously! I am very easily being taken for granted, being exploited, get hurt in various ways (emotionally and physically), and there might be more to list. I had many acquaintances merely because I shared my knowledge. They never speak to me in or out of class but they DO speak to me when finals are just around the corner. Whoa! How bogus are they! Even my group members are getting a piece of me! They and everyone knew I would not left things undone. So here I am being a moron…

Benevolent – Call me pathetic but honestly I could not be ignorant towards those dullards although I noticed myself being exploited by them. Sometimes it is not easy to turn blind eyes on as I feel bad, bad for not being helpful. As furious as I may be, I forgive them overtime. Gosh, c’mon, how long can I be angry? Frustration and anger haunts me but sometime after it would all gone.

WTF! - The only action I can do is remain silence and silence and still... silence. The only time they realize I am upset is when I remain silenced for a very long time.

Zip your lips, please....
N-geL

Language Matters

2010-01-29T00:47:00.002+08:00

WTF – So what if I am not able to speak or write proficient English language? I have to admit that it is shameful of me for not being able to deliver good English due to that fact that I am a Convent student back in primary and secondary school. What I could not understand is all these Chinese educated and immature kiddos often enjoy gossiping about me (my language, attitude, expressions, clothing, stuffs, etc)! It is really sickening!

Mind – Every human mind are uncanny and complex even to the possessor! So I can see why those ineptitudes are behaving that way~ most probably they are just insecure about themselves that they just needed someone to be put down on. It is just amazing how these perplex minds function in their tiny little head!

Fuck? Fudge? or Fish?

N-geL

Nobody expect you to be omniscient!

2010-01-24T03:06:00.000+08:00

Friend – According to certain quotes, a person could only consider as a friend when everyone walks out during your hardship and the very person stays to walk you through the pain. It is never easy to have friends because I realized many are either in love with themselves way too much or there is just a need of “connection”. People who favor “connection” are mostly those who live or enjoy the same kind of lifestyle or attitudes. Try noticing those around you. You will be surprise to see only the clowns live with laughter, the miserable stuck in pain, the knowledgeable favors formality, and so on. Of course there is some exemption in certain circle of friends where there is a mixture of clown, miserable, knowledgeable, or etcetera. And so to say, I am involved in this circle. Weird and unique, that is what I named my group.

Weird & Unique – After 2 years of dispute among ourselves, finally we reached to an end. No, not our journey ended but argufies. Of course I am happy but there is only one problem left, the miserable is still there and there is nothing my group and I can do to retrieve the miserable from pain. And to make matter worst, the miserable is rubbing the pain on all of us! Omitting the miserable, my group and I are having a great bonding session!!! Let’s see, my group consists of a hyper that could break a bone with merely her voice, a vulgar freak that turns every vulgarity into bible, an obnubilate that cloud every single thing she touches, and of course the normal kiddo, ME! Ngek Ngek Ngek

Creep – Why would a person enjoy being a spook when they had many other choices? I am sorry to admit that there would not be any second chance (after all the numerous chances given previously for the very same fault) as I could no longer being the good Samaritan. I could not be saintlier than any normal homo sapiens, seriously! I can no longer bear being ambush repeatedly without shielding myself. Nope, not the hurt but it is the narking sensation that bothers me a lot. It boils my anger right to my bone!
Unsolved - I am discombobulated by this pathetic creep! Seriously I am sick to core of such willy-nilly troubles and God; I wished it would all go away. I felt bad for putting on a cold shoulder at that creep; then again it serves that creep right! Ouch! I know… I upstage that creep already and now that pathetic creep is turning into a brainsick mannequin statue! Gosh! What should I do? Uh-oh the truth is out there~~

Frontal – Sooner or later I have to bare a piece of my mind to that creep, right? Name me chicken, call me coward but I honestly could not faced that creep at the moment. Hell, I got pissed at every apparent motion that creep made. I need time to be able to recover from such crap and I need an advice for this~

Lusus naturae?
N-geL

Random News

2010-01-21T15:36:00.001+08:00

DiCam – Okay I know “DiCam” is not an English word and can never be found in any existing (printed or electronic) dictionary but hey, it existed in MY dictionary. In fact this is my BayB’s name! Ngek ngek ngek~ Okay, my brother a.k.a banker/ATM bought the latest SONY TX1/N DiCam for me! He sets a RM200 budget (because he knew I would burn his wallet) but ended up buying the most expensive choice… Yikes! I know, yes I know, my brother loves me~

Avatar – OMG!!! Watched Avatar 3D yesterday and it is just unexplainably great! The movie swoop my mind & soul then led me into a fanciful imaginary world. I could not hold back my tears on the touching and unspeakable love towards mother earth as well as living beings scenes. Well, I am not embarrassed to admit that I cried and sobbed like a child throughout the movie watching. Awww~ wouldn’t it be great to have a beautiful “jungle” like that (omit the Thanator and The Hammerhead Titanothere) LOL!

Fagged – Today is the 4^th day of my new semester class. I am still vague in mind and I can never get enough sleep! God knows how fatigue I felt and yes, I still had no rest at all. During lecture classes, I swear that my brain jammed, cramped, and never recovered since. LOL Okay I am exaggerating but seriously I could not concentrate at all. The feeling is almost as if the lecturers are speaking some kind of weird languages. Gosh, I really needed help here~

FYP – Final. Year. Project. Seriously I hate this. Currently I am in Chapter 3 of my project and I am having a hard time struggling with words, journals, and my eyes!!! Both my eyes just wouldn’t focus on my lappie screen. I have another two chapters to go and hopefully I am able to finished really soon. Arghhhhhhhhh!!!

What the .......?

N-geL

The Sensitivity Hurts

2010-01-08T21:55:00.001+08:00

News - I believe the language issue between the Muslims & Christianity had raised many worries, concerns, and even danger towards the innocents. This language issue had been breathing decades long & recent months, it starts to boom. It is weird to see & hear such controversy (Muslims & Christians not having a smooth relation) in Malaysia as I often intrust Malaysia as a peaceful & harmonious country. I often perceive that Malaysia is a multiracial, unique, & eye-envy country to others.

Danger - I could not deny that this language issue is getting immature. What is the use of those church arson, violation, vandalism, rally, banners, & head-band-banners wearings? I thought as an adult & youth, as a society, as a citizen of our (Malaysia) unique country, we should in the very least, try to minimize offend & suffering of one another. We should keep each other safe & protected; not hurting & condemning our own siblings (I often regard Malaysian as a family).

Solutions - In every conflicts, compromising is important. Giving and taking is the best medicine to kill conflicts without escalating any emotional hurts. Of course it would not be easy to be a "giver" but if either one able to "give" then every obstructions can be free. However, the "taker" should not forget the sacrifice of the "giver" instead thankfulness and gratefulness should be "given" in return. But then again, I know this language issue not going to end easily (I know my thoughts are too simply...) but I am plain curious on whether they remembered the "give-and-take" remedy & to handle maturely.

Where is the pacifier?

N-geL

Icky...

2010-01-07T23:19:00.005+08:00

Bound - During my stay in Cameron Highlands with my bestie a.k.a roomie for semester vacation last month, the both of us are forced to stay in door on the first day of arrival due to bad weather (raining heavily the whole afternoon!!! WTH!!!). So we stuck around in our hotel room and watch some movies shown on Astro (there are only 3 Astro channels available).

Flicks - The first 2 movies are actually okay not say that we are fussy or anything. I only had a vague memories on the first movie while the second movie is Narnia 2. I don't mind having to watch Narnia as I never watch the movie before but when the both of us are ready for the third movie (with the scary eerie introduction), we are excited. BUT to our disappointment, the movie sucks!!! Urghhh!!!

Lousy - The production, the storyline, the acting, and everything were just plain lousy! WTH!!! Seriously!! Duh~ Of course there are "several" hilarious crappy scene which I think it is silly and illogical. My roomie and me did not know whether to laugh or grumble, it seemed like a joke... Of course that movie made our day and we laugh 'til we sleep, making fun of that movie.

Below is the movie poster (in case anyone curious) Yikes!!!

Demetria? Kleitos? Duh~~
N-geL

The Beginning on Coming Ending…

2010-01-06T22:42:00.007+08:00

Beginning – As weeks, months, and years passed with a blink of an eye, histories are formed unendingly. Just a little flashback on my former years, I never really have a great bonding with anyone in university and to be honest I never enjoyed life or companion there. What I remembered is I always wanted to end the dreadful lifestyle and acquaintances relations! But after the compulsory campaign event held in university for grading purposes, I realized I had missed out many great funs and excitement; university life!!! WTH!!! Grateful to God for blessing me with second chance, I finally made my move to break my pathetic bubble and GET-A-LIFE.

Bonding – Although it is a little too late on the bubble-bursting part, I had lots of fun together with my “U-N-I-Q-U-E” group mates. I used to hate having any associations with them as they are freaktarded, really BUT I had fun hanging out with them, off assignments and university. Knowing them personally, omitting all those frustrations and arguments we had really put our guts and masks down. The laughter, the gossips, the chats and talks, the sharing of troubles, and the sharing of thoughts and ideas are blasting!!! Heck the restaurants and shops that we went during our get-together-gathering are hell in an earthquake!!! WTH!!! Gosh I should have taken a photo of those owners and employees… It is fun… Below are a few pieces of proof!!!

Heart Matters in Relationships!!

Beautiful Scenery @ The Gardens

Ending – It still disturbed me a lot when I realized how recent only had I realize the importance and fun of the get-together; how I wished I could have more time to spend with them… I am in my ending year my last semester in university and I believe every minutes we are able to spend together are indeed precious to me. It is our ending but I know there should have a better greater beginning, coming~

Uh oh throughout the bonding sessions, KL & EL make an effort to come to my chronicle home town! And that was fabulous!!! Again, below are the proofs!

Queuing for the famous chicken rice ball in Malacca!

Queuing whilst camwhoring under the darn hot weather! WTH!!

Okay~ EL saw the "biawak" and got excited, weird huh?

???

Glue, Anyone?
N-geL

Never A Year Like 2009

2010-01-05T23:21:00.000+08:00

2010: A welcome relief

Awesome...Yes...
N-geL

Unexampled New Year of 2010

2010-01-05T21:38:00.001+08:00

Welcome – As the earth continuously moves, the revolution of the earth about the sun takes one year. A year may sound really short but believe me, it is a really long journey. I have had good deal of memories in 2009 and I know there would be even more in 2010. Of course I missed those eventful days but with an open heart, I welcomed more of what Year 2010 can give…

Change – Even before 2010, I noticed myself changed mentally and physically (No, not my boobs. It is still the same size!!! WTH!!!). I prefer things, food, stuffs, music, clothing, & even types of guys which I antecedently disliked! Scary, though. It is weird, really but change is good… At least I feel good. Often enough I heard people phrase something like when a person gets “O”-der, their lifestyles changes as well. It is true, indeed! Oh yea, it would be better if I am able to change my babies (car, laptop, cell phone, & external) Muahahhahahahaha~

Discombobulated – All the sudden change had mentally confused me. Even the New Year confused me! Sigh~ The reason for all these confusion is mainly because I am getting “O”-der and my responsibilities, my life, my future-to-come, and more to list on are becoming heavier each day. If I am to compare my other friends and myself, honestly, I am almost being nonexistence!!! God~ I am SCARED! On the other hand I felt golden as I have another half year to relish before all those weight down unto me. Hmmm… Did I mention “I am scared”?

Resolutions – Hah Ha!! I never really have New Year resolutions and I knew if I ever had one I will never be able to practice it. BUT I have a seriously long list of what I WANT! Yikes!!! Muahahahahhaha

Delirious – I am clearly delirious AND I don’t care (WTH!!!). Somehow I pity those around me… Ngek Ngek Ngek…

Wat The Heck!!!
N-geL

New?

2010-01-05T21:30:00.000+08:00

Tick Tock Tick Tock

It is Year 2010!!! OMG!!! Darn I am moving from “Season 23” into “Season 24” soon! Hush! Nobody is looking… Phew~ (Can I just stay in “Season 3” without any escalation of numbers??? Shut Up, I know, we are not living in a frozen-time-zone...)

Dang I felt threatened by the “O” word and I swear I will not use THAT word this year! Ngek Ngek Ngek

Alright since it is a brand new year with new resolutions, new ideas, new concepts, new life, new on everything, I am going to have a NEW way of expressing myself here. It is odd to see all the sudden changes but bear with me as I believe I need “NEW” atmosphere in my life too.Yikes!!!

Uh... Uh...
N-geL

Old & New

2009-12-30T21:29:00.000+08:00

Sigh~

Okay I know it is not right to start with sighing but I could not help it. Here comes the end of 2009, the beginning of another brand new year… Here comes goodbye to my previous dreadful year and hello to my brand new year; 2010!!!

Sigh~

I am forced to wave goodbye to a few of my precious friends as it is time for them to take a step forward to another phase of life. I am, still, lacking behind and it kills me each time thinking about it. A few are married with kids, some study, work, or migrated abroad, graduated (and planning for vacation!), dating, etc BUT I am, still, nowhere near there! Arghhhh!!! It is driving me nuts!

My erstwhile roomie shifted and I missed her already… Sob~ Somehow I have been blessed and am rewarded with a NEW roomie (I strongly believe it is due to me being an angelic saint!!!) LOL! Well, I know I am an extremely kind person… **cough** At least I will have a good start of 2010, with a new roomie, and I hope I will have a very good bonding session with new roomie too~

I seriously hope to have a memorable bonding with those I am, recently, close with & hopefully we will spend many of our precious time together, outing, gathering, celebrate, celebrating nothing, and the list shall go on... Ngek ngek ngek!!! I am very excited! Dang, I am revealing my foolishness...

5... 4... 3... 2... 1... HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!!!
N-geL

Brainless Barnyard Beast

2009-12-16T22:00:00.000+08:00

I can't seem to understand why there is a brainless barnyard beast living in the same house as me. HE, the brainless barnyard beast enjoyed hastening into bathroom whenever he alarmed by my returning from university or outings.

DAMN! I am PISSED!

That brainless barnyard beast actually bathe for an hour or so & takes another half-an-hour pampering himself with his stuffs (HE gets out from the bathroom and return with a bagful of stuffs)! He takes his own sweet time slapping and pampering himself in the bathroom without having any considerateness for others.

I am really hacked off by that pudding head brainless barnyard beast!!!

Why with all the trouble of rushing for the bathroom with a lady? GOD! He could have just open HIS damn retard mouth and asked if it is alright for HIM to bathe first. I would be glad enough to allow HIM to do so...

I just don't get it! Why does a GUY actually shower for an hour or so? Bathing whilst counting the number of HAIR he had on his body? DAMN!

It's the relationships event

2009-11-29T21:18:00.000+08:00

Believe it or not, I have got a really successful campaign ever!!! My team and I managed to spread the rightful feelings, hypnotize them, just the way we want them to! What makes the event even successful is the support gained from various audiences, e.g. the seniors, students from other courses, and last but not least, the tutors and lecturers! Wow! Kudos to the entire team!

It is quite painful for me of not being in the event hall as I am in charge of the Press Conference section. So you may figure out how devastated I am being stuck in another “boring” room. But of course, the press conference section is being praised as well for the very well done job! (Ehem ehem...)Bravo to my team and I again (those press conference members). Yes!!!

Throughout the entire event, the lighting, the PA Systems, the videos are all very well managed! Good job to the IT and technician team! I hate to admit this but they did an extremely well task as compared to the previous campaigns, majority of them have had technical error. I am, of course, proud to announce that my campaign is the first campaign to owned the title of “BEST CAMPAIGN” (It's a self declare title actually) Muahahahahahahahaha!!!

I hardly believe the fact that my team members and I have had a really great team work together and each and every one of us actually compromise to each other’s needs and responsibilities. We behave maturely and of course we all learn about each other which lead us to have quality relationships among ourselves! Yippie!!! All of us managed to get close together and enjoy every moment of success together. It is unbelievable.

Mission Impossible?

2009-11-29T20:55:00.000+08:00

Wo-Hoo!!! I did something out of my expectation today! I challenged myself to overcome my fear and YES! I did it! Well, actually I went on to catch a movie today, ALONE! It is a challenging situation for me as I normally don’t do outings alone. I know, I know… See, that is why I am urging myself to do things that I normally won’t do.

I went Tropicana Mall to catch Twilight: New Moon movie all by myself and I am excited! I hardly believe the fact that I did it. There are a few more things that I did which I did not expect I would, and I am amazed. Seriously, I believe I needed some changes and therefore I challenged myself.

I guess I realized that I need to live as if I am dying soon; world end? Anyhow, I am extremely proud with myself as I carries the brand new me in ME. I make new friends almost every day, smile to almost everyone I meet, and respecting & appreciating what I have right now.

I strongly believe that this bold attitude of mine comes from the influences of my campaign, my experiences with my friends, and of course speeches which I had attended. I am truly thankful for all those awakening “slaps”! LOL!

Okay now comments on Twilight: New Moon... I have to say it is quite funny actually AND I totally totally think that the written version is indeed better! Other than having glimpse of Jacob's sexy body, I don't find anything else interesting (except that Alice is prettier!)

The whole movie is quite pathetic but somehow I LURVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE them!!! LOL! I just love vampire movies, so yea...

To Do? OR Not To Do?
N-geL

Luck-Less Me!

2009-11-11T17:39:00.000+08:00

Actually I'm not hoping much in gaining or having anything...but somehow if I'm lucky, I might have something~ Sigh~ That pathetic fellow just missed my lucky number by 1 digit, yes one digit...

My lucky a.k.a luck-less number "056" and that pathetic fellow announced "055" Can you believe it? The grand prize is indeed luxurious and yes, I couldn't have it because that PATHETIC fellow pick the wrong NUMBER!!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

The saddest part is that the "fellow" I mentioned are really macho and "man-ly" and CUTE!!! Yikes!!! Else I would have the chance to "hold" and somehow try to "grab" his super "man" hand!!! kekekekeke

Sigh~ Nyway, I missed those chances but it's alright. God IS fair! God put me in to a situation where "Lizard" & me able to stood closely to each other. Muahahahahahahaha Seriously I don't like the way he look at me (He looks at me as if I did something sinful to him). Or maybe he's trying to play it cool? But often enough, I realize he kept on looking at me during classes (Well, I have to admit that he looks at me maybe because he realize I kept on looking at him). Muahahahahahahahahahaa

Silly~ Silly ME!

Luck? or Luck-Less?
N-geL

Life hurts...

2009-10-27T17:08:00.000+08:00

For the past 23 years of my life, I have never seen mummy in her sick bed, looking extremely weak. It is pain to the eyes and heart to see her in that condition. Mummy was diagnosed with a cyst growth in her right ovary, so the gynecologist advice mummy to go for an operation. Well, she did and not she is well again but weak. I remember seeing her in the hospital bed lying unconsciously with tubes and needles. It is very painful. I cried. Hmmm…

Suddenly life seemed a little scary to me. I hate the fact that one day our loved ones will leave and rest peacefully in heaven. I hate the fact that love hurts even when it is sweet and blissful. I hate the fact that one had to go through mountains and rains in order to taste success and happiness. I hate almost everything but loved at the same time. I know I sounded insane but yes, this is what I am feeling.

I regret of doing things that hurt their hearts and regret doing it. I regret having to feel regretted. I am sick of having a slight pinch in my chest when I regretted on something. I have plenty of regrets. But if I were to have a turn-back-time, I will not change a single action. It is what I did in the past that leads me to where I am and how I am now. Without past and history, one is nothing but a plain sheet of paper without life.

Sigh~ I hate it when I hate it.
N-geL

Sicky Week

2009-10-05T18:51:00.001+08:00

Exams over…

Results coming…

I’m worried hell and I’m scared…

But…what bother me most is..F-Y-P!!!
Hmmm…

And makes matter worse is I’m stuck at home…
Haih~~

What can/should I do???

Sicky Week...

2009-10-05T18:51:00.000+08:00

Showtime!

2009-09-19T19:51:00.000+08:00

I did a movie marathon yesterday in Tropicana City after my Advanced PR paper. It feels so relaxing and I must admit I am quite relief, a ‘lil. Although there are not much food activity yesterday (which is better if there are PLENTY of food!!!), somehow I enjoyed!

My first flick:

Where Got Ghost? is a Singapore horror-comedy Chinese movie directed by Jack Neo. I don’t find the movie really nice but somehow it managed to make audiences have a good laugh. I don’t know the story seemed somehow weird to me (although there is moral-of-the-story thingy). The flow of the movie is separated into 3 parts; "Roadside Got Ghost", "Forest Got Ghost" and "House Got Ghost". The movie is trying to indicate that never try to offend or brag about ghosts and spirits.

My second flick:

Tsunami in Haeundae is a nice movie to catch. After all the flooded stress and tension in my mind (which I have been tortured for a month, and another 2 weeks to go), this movie somehow had drained my stress level. This movie shows the ugly sides of human as well as the good. Some would sacrifice themselves for another while some would be extremely self-centered. Hmmm… I cried like a baby in the cinema and I have to say it is NOT embarrassing! Almost all the presence female cried okay! (Hehehe… At least I’m not the girl who sobs yikes!)

My third flick:

The Ugly Truth! It is a nice movie (partly there are 2 cute guys) because I found some similarities of Abby Richter in ME!!! OMG!!! It is funny and factual. Like it’s title, the ugly truth about love, life, and sex! Yikes! It’s a must-watch movie if you luuuurrrrveeeeeee Gerard Butler because he is so yummy macho!!! Muahahahahhahahahahhahahahahaahah!!!!!

It had been a nice day though... More good days to come!!!

One Two Action!!
N-geL

Some people just love being miserable

2009-09-19T15:32:00.000+08:00

People often encourage each other to be happy all the time. BUT have you ever noticed some people just love being miserable to keep them happy? No? Well, you are a real lucky being! I met and I have to interact with that sort of people 24/7! Well okay not 24/7 but almost for years! The next question from me will be “WHY enjoy being miserable just to keep you happy?”

I did everything I could to help BUT it’s a vain attempt! Sigh~ Perceptions, thoughts, assumptions, the way of viewing or seeing things are all nothing but a person’s personality. The way a person behaves, thinks, assume, or maybe sensing certain situation, things, or even a person are all base on their background. Everything a person does reflects on their background, what sort of person are they, what are their lifestyle, and much more. Sometimes prediction is applicable to them, too!

Nyway my main point is why this sort of people enjoy being miserable??? Miserable be it but why shower me with those suffering as well? Illogical isn’t it?

Nother painful experience I had encounter is having an ape around! I just don’t get it! Don’t all of us have our own mask to put on and characters to play? Okay maybe roles and characters are forgivable to impersonate BUT what about hobbies or the likes & dislikes or colours or choices of food or movies? WTF!!! Thank you very much but I enjoy having myself as the sole species! Gosh~

Seriously I hated many things in life especially a person’s attitude or character. I hate a person who loves being miserable, who loves to assume, who thinks negative, evil, or ill mannered, or those who enjoy taking people for granted. There more to list but never mind. No matter how concerned I am, things will still be the same…

Miserably…happy!
N-geL

Frensapiens...

2009-09-17T01:09:00.000+08:00

I never truly understand why friends are sometimes sickening sapiens in life, really! I have to clarify that I DO love all my REAL friends (but I never know if they are the same) and most time I prioritize them after family (I’m the third in line, yikes!). I had been through rough and ugly moments with some of my acquaintances, friends, close friends, best friends, and ex-best friends and yes, it’s painful to the core! Gossips, boycotting, bad mouthing, pretender, slanted, and sometimes worse BACK STABBER!!! You name it, I’ve been through it! Sigh~

Nyway I am curios why do some friends are not friends? Or why are they being “selfish” at times? Or how come they are able to categorize or classify certain friends when that particular friend threats her/him like a family? W-H-Y?

Lately I have been feeling fag and worn out due to exam season & boredom sickness, so I am pretty much in sullen mode. Of course I am still all smiley and cherry to people I keep close to heart. What really disturbs me is…I am just CURIOUS…why friend’s friends couldn’t be my friend? Or why your friend could not hang out with me too? Why, of course I am not going to stash your friend away!!! I don’t know if this is the reason why some friend feels threatened. I don’t know…

I asked one of my bestie months back whether I am able to join her bunch for stress release vacation AND she hesitated. I understand she is concern about her crowd whether liking me (as an outsider) to fall in together, I really do understand. BUT what saddened me is she didn’t try to ask. If in turn I were her, I SWEAR I will persuade my crowd to let her in!

Okay maybe vacation is too much. Well, what about dinner union (just to sound cooler, eh)? She knew am having dinner alone, would it hurt or risky to ask me to join her & them for dinner? Wait, her friends knew me TOO!! I would NEVER do that to her or to any of my close best friends.

Another head-scratchy incident is when some friends would feel uncertain to spill out normal-everyday-conversation-topic/subject to me!!! LOL!! Sometimes my itchy mouth got itchy, I would ask “Who did you went out with the day before?” and the award winning answer would be “friend”! Oh gosh, am I being abusive towards your privacy now? I somehow believe it’s alright for friend to ask and concerned. (In sense of being KEPO lar!)

I read another friend’s friend e-diary blogging on why certain friends expressed ugly faces when most of them are having happy moments together. She is hitting the nail accurately in what I am trying to ask too! Hmmm…

I sometimes do feel invisible in my own world. I envy most of them for having wonderful external friends and I am indeed very happy for them. I stand and stare silently at the corner of their world and I BELIEVE none of them knew I existed standing there. It’s painful sometimes to see them so happy and being rubbed off from their wonderful world.

I guess I am losing my grip of importance in their life and wonder if it’s fixable? I don’t expect them to treat me like princess but somehow I wish I am and never will be forgotten like dust or rusty old machine.

Forget, forget me not!
N-geL

Sad Issue in Malaysia

2009-09-10T21:33:00.000+08:00

Isn’t it funny how Homo sapiens can be really out of their mind sometimes? I am indeed extremely worried about the current problem that arises in KL where a group of unsatisfied Malays hold a demonstration. It is really sad to see those people attacking innocent animal like a cow, just because it is the Indian’s holly symbol. Gosh!! What could be leading these people into such act??

One of my close friend send me this link, go look at it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XHcHLB_Vss. Although the government had insisted of removing the video from the net but still there is no action taken! It’s really saddening to see that the government aren’t taking any action yet, whether towards those demonstrator or the video uploader…

Sadder...
N-geL

Dramaturgy

2009-09-07T00:52:00.000+08:00

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players...

-Shakespeare-

Life's a stage, each of us have roles to play...
We are all behaving like an actor/actress,
Presenting ourselves to the world according to what the world expect of us...
Sometimes we let ourselves down, not knowing what else to do..... or expect...
Don't some of you agree that lives are somewhat difficult?
But come to think again, life is actually easy... if we allow them to...

Let me rest now.
I'm tired of being "Pseudowood" (there's Bollywood isn't it?)

One Two ACTION!
N-geL

the torturesome of exams

2009-09-05T20:21:00.000+08:00

Final Year Projects, assignments, projects, and class activities are somewhat annoying to me because of the requirement of finishing them in a very short period of time and also the selection of group members.

But what would be more annoying and disturbing than all those? Ah Hah!!! Exams!!! Heck, I got to admit that I really dislike exams... It makes me really sick on my tummy and my head! Aarrgghhhhh~~~~

Alright, maybe I'm exaggerating but hey, it's killing me each time I'm about to view my result slip. Okay! Okay! I know I am the one to be blame due to my perfectionist attitude and my high expectation mindset. Hmmm....

I am bearing a really heavy burden on myself right now and hopefully I'll survive until the end of my final paper on the 28th!!! Oh God, I am so extremely nervous right now...

Duh~ I got to get my brain spinning again right now... Isk~

Brain Brain
N-geL

Frenz...missing

2009-09-01T23:44:00.000+08:00

I miss all of you, my fellow friends… suddenly I felt lonely, lonesome…

All of you are far away, some miles away, some really further…

When will we gather and laugh together like the old days?

Will we lend our shoulders to each other when sadness falls?

Why do we have to grow up and leave?

Why do we forget and ignore when we used to be close together?

I can’t seem to get in touch with anyone of you girls even when you girls are online…

Why? What happened? Am I forgotten? Am I worthless to be remembered and entertained?

Gosh… I never realize how things could turn out to be these bad…

Sigh~ I bet none of you will even realize I wrote this and this meant for you… None…

the misery of death

2009-08-26T16:48:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wonder where people goes when they're "sleeping"? I couldn't help but to allow these pathetic question ponder in my head. My grandpa passed away recently and am upset... I doubted grandpa's death because he "sleeps" so suddenly! I remember meeting him two weeks ago before he fell into a really deep sleep!!! It's not fair...

Actually I am happy that grandpa finally "sleeps" because I couldn't bear to see him suffer, the pain that causes him to cringe all the time. He hardly feels happy too as his children are constantly arguing and quarreling... How could they do this to grandpa when he is already so sick?

Can anyone educate me on the reasons of all these mean and horrible happening? I mean it's they're father, so why are they arguing? Shouldn't they pay more time and attention to grandpa? I saw grandpa shed tears when he overheard his children argument. It's really heart aching!

After grandpa's departure from homosapiens world, mother is emtremely upset. For the first time in my life, I saw regrets in mother's eyes. I couldn't help but to feel sorry for her. I knew from the very beginning that mother actually do love grandpa, it's grandpa who doesn't love her as much as she does. Grandpa is bias most of the time and I am not angry of him for doing that.

Why bother remembering all those upsetting memories when he is no longer here to correct his mistakes? The few regrets that i bear now are not giving him the best and to treat him better although he don't love me as much as he does for the rest of my cousins. Hmmm....

Brother and me are really upset and we both grief for the lost. I just hope the rest of the family would learn to appreciate grandpa's love and affection towards them because brother and me do not have any of those... They've taken things for granted which somehow trigger my anger a lil. Hmm...

The question asked is still not answered and I believe nobody could give answer that... I prayed everyday hoping that I would not encounter such happening again as it's too painful for me, and partly I don't wish to see any of my loved ones suffer from such pain...

Misery... Regrets... Pain... They haunt only after you've lost someone you loved... So never ever take those around you for granted...