Sometimes I hope....

Hope - In every point of my life, I often have plenty of hopes & wishes... Sometimes I would even have ridiculous ones... But to think about it again, what does it mean? We have been repeating it numerously & does it ever been answered? Curious~

Me - I am very much fond of hope & yet I am unsure if it has ever been answered. Sometimes it came, I guess... You see, during my weakest point in life, which it occur quite frequently, I have plenty of hope(s). 

I hope I could have a shoulder to lean on...

I hope I am able to run away from here

I hope when I wake up, everything is just a dream

I hope I can solve this problem(s)

I hope I can just be....invisible

I hope...

Yet - Yet I am still here, shouldering all the same burden, same issues, same problems, same ignorant, same old life...  People often told me that what I have today was build by my very own hands...Sometimes I agreed, sometimes I don't. Sometimes, I just don't believe it... But come to think again, it is true... Every path we'd taken were path that chosen by us...

Then & There - I hope I could change my destiny, my fate, my life... I am not upset but I seriously dislike the condition I am living in... I am hoping to have a normal life, with a blissful family, with a satisfactory working environment & colleagues, in a normal yet beautiful place...

Can I Have it?

Ngeline

The torture of waiting...

How long must I wait? Or how much longer must I wait?

Please do not torture me like this anymore... 

Ngeline

Something to Yap About...

A brand new year means a new journey to step unto... What happened in the past are not meant to bring forward, lets bid goodbye... It is easy to talk but never easy to walk the talk... Sigh...

It has been a long time since I last confide. I never really have the time to do so, do I? I have to admit I changed a lot. I felt older, very much older. Maybe it is because I buried myself too much into my work and nothing on life. Gosh, I need a break!

Anyhow, there are many joy and happening events to yap about! i.e. marriage, new born, love, you name it!!! Okay, one thing at a time! 

My brother got married last summer, my birthday eve, & now I have nephew Nathan! Okay, I hate this little guy as he made my life miserable! He enjoys torturing me with his non-stop cry, his fussiness, screams, & worst - his smelly pampers! Lol! But I do miss him though when I am off to work. 

Then recently, my cousin sister got married! Good new huh! And baby Jack (my another cousin's son) is going to have his 1 year old birthday soon! Not only that, there are more birthday celebrations coming! Not to forget the Chinese celebration, New Year means plenty of red packets... Muahahahahahahaha...

However with so many happiness and celebrations, I am leading a boring life. Other than work and family, I have nothing else! Gosh! Something has to be done! Currently there is no motivation and enthusiasm in me... What should I do, huh? 

Oh wait! I remember having this adrenaline rush when I spoke to a guy from website dept. His voice was superb! He got this macho, soft yet very firm voice that cause my heart skip a beat. I was unable to speak properly! Hmmm... He made my day...

I know this sounds crazy but it is okay... I enjoyed this pathetic moment LOL! 

Yap...yap...yap...

N-geL

Disappointment

Rumours - I came upon an upsetting news today during dinner. My colleague told me that on one fine evening,  Mr. D went out for a drink with his colleague and a student trainee. After several drinks, Mr. D actually went home with his colleague (a female colleague) and what happen next, there is no need of further elaboration. I do not know how valid this news could be, but I admit that I am affected by it.

Feelings - I am upset and disappointed. How could I not be? No, I am not in love with him but I definitely had some chemistry for him. It is weird. I always hated the way friends make fun of me (fooling me verbally with a guy, making me unconsciously had feelings for him). Sigh~ However, it is not like the world is ending. I am still alright.

Theories - Why does it always have to be like this? I almost banish my theory on Genting guys but now it is all proven right, again and again. Why does relationships in Genting was always this complicated?

......................
N-geL

Uh oh~

Feelings - Okay, I am admitting in being bubbly whenever I saw him i.e office or out. It feels strange that I actually feel good whenever he walk past (even though he did not look into my direction) and
I often had the tendency to stare at his back! Damn, I am screwing my feelings right now~

Man - To not be rude, I shall start with a brief introduction of him. Names D, originated from Malacca (just like me) & stayed in Cheng  (I lived there too!!!). He is not very tall, quite fair, average looking with toned body, average sized eyes, and he is a hell of a gentleman! He looks good in both casual & formal wear!!! Sigh~

Attitude - The main attraction I had on him is that he knows how to treat a lady well. It is darn difficult to meet a guy like him here~ Oh goodness, he is a real man, I shall say. He is very sensitive towards his surrounding, knowing what to do or how to act like how a man should be like when there are ladies around.

Bad - However the sad part is that he smokes and enjoyed drinking~ He drinks every single day!!! And I strongly suspected that he is addicted to GYM!!! He goes to gym whenever he has the chance to do so~ Sigh~

Confusion - So how? My friends told me that I am being obvious in liking him already (not towards him but my group of friends BUT I don't felt so at all).Somehow the good part is that he seemed oblivious about this~ LOL~ I will have to buried my head if he knows!

Destiny - I shall let my fate decide my destiny~ Lol~


Love, shall we?
N-geL

Nothing

Solitary - I am a solitary traveler in my own life journey, similar to a troglodyte. I often faced with boredom and tiresome. No, it's not like I have nobody, it's just that the feeling ain't right. I have a loving family with plenty of real-great-friends but still, I just don't feel right. I don't know why. When life is just too easy, it's driving me crazy.

Job - I am worried about my job hunting thingy as I am still jobless right now. Korean Airline & Genting's P&E Dept had selected me for the preliminary interview sessions and am now waiting for the final session. The interview sessions were "normal", nothing unusual about it. But during the interview sessions, I was extremely nervous!

Speechless - There are so much to talk about but I am unable to express it all out~ The aching feeling I am feeling right now is totally unspeakable... How I wish I could just turn off myself...

Sigh~ 

N-geL

Dream of Love

I am lost

I am blinded 

And I could not hear a thing

My heart will not function normally

The paces are uneven

It beats a little faster than usual

I could not breathe

I am suffocated

Drowning

My body frozen

Benumbed

What had happened to me?

My brain

Drunk, unconsciously

Why?

I know why...

I am in love...

With a man...

Dreams that dreams of you~

N-geL