Foolish Child

Dissatisfaction -  There was an act of mocking from my fellow designers (whereby some of them were my close friends) on a questionnaires given by my colleague. It is shocking to see them ridiculing executives for the dissatisfaction they felt about that particular questionnaire. I mean, what is the problem in filling up those papers? It is just a questionnaire!!! They were jesting at executives by saying plenty of ugly painful comments i.e. "We want to learn to polish bosses shoes, clean/wash their feet, & suck their toes". The upsetting part was that this statement mentioned by my close friend a.k.a designer. 

Personal - Why are they taking all these rules & regulations personally? There is no right & wrong nor there is no need of comparison. If people were to compare everything in their lives, then there will be none that would satisfied them. When will they ever teach their inner child to learn to grow up? Seriously, they are such a pain in the ass!!! It is very disappointing.

Hell~

N-geL

Absolved From Depression

Unconscious - It has been a week since I last smiled. I had all these weird emotional encounters during work day as well as during my rest time at night. I prescribed myself as tired & overloaded with work but never did I realized that I am falling into depression. 

Depression - I do not know when this attack came but I know I am not feeling feeling well mentally and physically. During work day, I would lose control of my anger, emotions & at night I would cry myself to sleep. Throughout the entire week, my breathing was not synchronized. I had all these difficulties in concentrating, breathing, eating, and even sleeping.

Avoid - Everyday after work, I would rush back, locking myself in my room. I will not eat and I will not meet anyone. I just wanted to be alone. I was angry at my clients, my users, my management, & mainly myself. It is a shame for me for not being able to cope with all these obstacles. Sigh~ 

Pain - As I was in the state of unfit mentally, I hurt those people whom are closed to me; my family. I ignored them, I won't answer their calls, I rejected every invitation from them, & mostly would not want to meet them. I know I am not doing it right but I could not controlled myself. I do not want them to see me being in my weakest point! Sigh~ My brother was very upset & hurt, daddy was sad, mummy was worried, & they were all clueless of my conditions. I felt pain in my chest.

Better - But yesterday, I was getting better. After all those times being left in the dark tunnel, I saw lights~ Those lights that are trying to guide me back to my rightful path. Strength, I am gaining already. Now I am waiting for my bubbly self to come back to life. Where am I?

Hope - I dislike the way I am acting & feeling, therefore, I am promising myself to change. I regretted my actions which caused pain & hurt to my family, hence, I will never put them in that state again. Why worry, why hurry? No matter how bad a situation is, the world goes on isn't it? 

Up Side Down & Right Side Up Again~ 

N-geL

Little Tiny Needle

Funny – Last Thursday I went to the clinic near my rented house to get a Hepatitis B vaccine and guess what? The down-to-earth kind nurses and doctor had an argument with me. Nobody can ever guess right on what we argued about; we argue about to do or not to do a Hepatitis A blood test. Whoah! The argument almost pisses me when the doctor and nurses finally gave in.

Story – Okay it goes like this. A month back, I got myself a full body checks up in one of the blood test lab as I often feel dizzy and almost fainted several times. So when I got the result from that blood test lab, I am not immune to Hepatitis B virus (and the lab lady urges me to get a vaccine). Hence I went to the clinic near my rented house to get the Hepatitis A & Hepatitis B vaccine as the clinic gives a very reasonable price. I told the nurses that I need the vaccine as I had already done the test and she asked if I got myself tested for Hepatitis A. I told her “no” as I only had Hepatitis B result but wanted both vaccines anyway. One of the nurses got upset and urges me to go back to the lab to “questions” the lab lady why she had not tested the Hepatitis A for me altogether. She kept on pushing and forcing me to leave the clinic and go straight back to the lab, so I told her “Never mind, I will get the Hepatitis A blood test here as you have such service, right?” and so hallelujah, the argument started. When she failed in the persuasion of getting me going back to the lab, it became the doctor’s turn to persuade me instead. Sigh~ it is just so frustrating! But anyway, they gave in and I won the argument.

Silly – Seriously I have never met anyone that is so darn honest and kind enough of not wanting to earn my money!!! WTH!!! It is so unbelievable!!! When I am in her consultation room, I asked her about the asthma inhaler which I often use and again, she gave me another shocking action; she wants to give me a new FREE inhaler!!! Oh God, she is just plain…kind?

Pain – Anyway when she jab the Hepatitis B vaccine into my vein, I felt the pain. It is quite painful and believes me; I have never been afraid of needles. The pain is still bearable but after she removes the needle, my hand went numb. And again, this lovely doctor commanded her nurse to get me a somewhat medicated drink. Do not laugh but that medicated drink is to calm me down and to make me feel unafraid already!!! WTH!!! The doctor treats me like a 10 year old little girl!!! Anyhow, Friday morning around 4am to 5am, I woke up due to the stinging feelings I had on my arm. Sigh~ I almost feel myself running back to the doctor to get another cup of that medicated drink! LOL! And until now I still feel that stinging pain with a limited arm movement… Sad... Sad… 

Jab...anyone?

N-geL