Absolved From Depression

Unconscious - It has been a week since I last smiled. I had all these weird emotional encounters during work day as well as during my rest time at night. I prescribed myself as tired & overloaded with work but never did I realized that I am falling into depression. 

Depression - I do not know when this attack came but I know I am not feeling feeling well mentally and physically. During work day, I would lose control of my anger, emotions & at night I would cry myself to sleep. Throughout the entire week, my breathing was not synchronized. I had all these difficulties in concentrating, breathing, eating, and even sleeping.

Avoid - Everyday after work, I would rush back, locking myself in my room. I will not eat and I will not meet anyone. I just wanted to be alone. I was angry at my clients, my users, my management, & mainly myself. It is a shame for me for not being able to cope with all these obstacles. Sigh~ 

Pain - As I was in the state of unfit mentally, I hurt those people whom are closed to me; my family. I ignored them, I won't answer their calls, I rejected every invitation from them, & mostly would not want to meet them. I know I am not doing it right but I could not controlled myself. I do not want them to see me being in my weakest point! Sigh~ My brother was very upset & hurt, daddy was sad, mummy was worried, & they were all clueless of my conditions. I felt pain in my chest.

Better - But yesterday, I was getting better. After all those times being left in the dark tunnel, I saw lights~ Those lights that are trying to guide me back to my rightful path. Strength, I am gaining already. Now I am waiting for my bubbly self to come back to life. Where am I?

Hope - I dislike the way I am acting & feeling, therefore, I am promising myself to change. I regretted my actions which caused pain & hurt to my family, hence, I will never put them in that state again. Why worry, why hurry? No matter how bad a situation is, the world goes on isn't it? 

Up Side Down & Right Side Up Again~ 

N-geL

A Compelling Force

Pressure - A stranger would identify me as a happy person with no worries but people whom are dear to me would detect insanity in me. I may look bubbly at all times (and sometimes crazily sampat-ed) but deep down, I am suffering from an inordinate, dangerous, brain-sick stress; from work and working environment.

Insanity - The people here are crazy, nobody's sane. Some are plainly selfish & dang! they are very good in "tai chi-ing"! Even the tasks here are crazy! I am beginning to feel insanity as well. I am working each day with nothing but anger. Gosh~ I think I gonna have lotsa' grey hair soon~ 

Assessment - Everybody loves to give judgment based on surface without knowing what is inside. People often thinks that their perception and judgment were right and what they did not know is that each criticism they gave could insult one's dignity. Though it is wrong, people are still doing this.

Sincerity - There are zero honesty and sincerity here. Everyone are smiling from ear to ear but NEVER could trust them. Okay, I have to  admit that not everyone here are insincere, that for sure but majority are fake. We are all adults but acting like a kindergartener! Damn it!

Exhausted - I am getting very tired each day, already. Seriously, I am not going to quit this easily but I will definitely find a way to get myself out of here. Or maybe to improve my way of looking at this sore-eyed people.

Chill... Relax...
N-geL