Old & New

Sigh~

Okay I know it is not right to start with sighing but I could not help it. Here comes the end of 2009, the beginning of another brand new year… Here comes goodbye to my previous dreadful year and hello to my brand new year; 2010!!!

Sigh~

I am forced to wave goodbye to a few of my precious friends as it is time for them to take a step forward to another phase of life. I am, still, lacking behind and it kills me each time thinking about it. A few are married with kids, some study, work, or migrated abroad, graduated (and planning for vacation!), dating, etc BUT I am, still, nowhere near there! Arghhhh!!! It is driving me nuts!

My erstwhile roomie shifted and I missed her already… Sob~ Somehow I have been blessed and am rewarded with a NEW roomie (I strongly believe it is due to me being an angelic saint!!!) LOL! Well, I know I am an extremely kind person… **cough** At least I will have a good start of 2010, with a new roomie, and I hope I will have a very good bonding session with new roomie too~

I seriously hope to have a memorable bonding with those I am, recently, close with & hopefully we will spend many of our precious time together, outing, gathering, celebrate, celebrating nothing, and the list shall go on... Ngek ngek ngek!!! I am very excited! Dang, I am revealing my foolishness...




5... 4... 3... 2... 1... HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!!!
N-geL

Brainless Barnyard Beast

I can't seem to understand why there is a brainless barnyard beast living in the same house as me. HE, the brainless barnyard beast enjoyed hastening into bathroom whenever he alarmed by my returning from university or outings.

DAMN! I am PISSED!

That brainless barnyard beast actually bathe for an hour or so & takes another half-an-hour pampering himself with his stuffs (HE gets out from the bathroom and return with a bagful of stuffs)! He takes his own sweet time slapping and pampering himself in the bathroom without having any considerateness for others.

I am really hacked off by that pudding head brainless barnyard beast!!!

Why with all the trouble of rushing for the bathroom with a lady? GOD! He could have just open HIS damn retard mouth and asked if it is alright for HIM to bathe first. I would be glad enough to allow HIM to do so...

I just don't get it! Why does a GUY actually shower for an hour or so? Bathing whilst counting the number of HAIR he had on his body? DAMN!

It's the relationships event

Believe it or not, I have got a really successful campaign ever!!! My team and I managed to spread the rightful feelings, hypnotize them, just the way we want them to! What makes the event even successful is the support gained from various audiences, e.g. the seniors, students from other courses, and last but not least, the tutors and lecturers! Wow! Kudos to the entire team!

It is quite painful for me of not being in the event hall as I am in charge of the Press Conference section. So you may figure out how devastated I am being stuck in another “boring” room. But of course, the press conference section is being praised as well for the very well done job! (Ehem ehem...)Bravo to my team and I again (those press conference members). Yes!!!

Throughout the entire event, the lighting, the PA Systems, the videos are all very well managed! Good job to the IT and technician team! I hate to admit this but they did an extremely well task as compared to the previous campaigns, majority of them have had technical error. I am, of course, proud to announce that my campaign is the first campaign to owned the title of “BEST CAMPAIGN” (It's a self declare title actually) Muahahahahahahahaha!!!

I hardly believe the fact that my team members and I have had a really great team work together and each and every one of us actually compromise to each other’s needs and responsibilities. We behave maturely and of course we all learn about each other which lead us to have quality relationships among ourselves! Yippie!!! All of us managed to get close together and enjoy every moment of success together. It is unbelievable.

Mission Impossible?

Wo-Hoo!!! I did something out of my expectation today! I challenged myself to overcome my fear and YES! I did it! Well, actually I went on to catch a movie today, ALONE! It is a challenging situation for me as I normally don’t do outings alone. I know, I know… See, that is why I am urging myself to do things that I normally won’t do.



I went Tropicana Mall to catch Twilight: New Moon movie all by myself and I am excited! I hardly believe the fact that I did it. There are a few more things that I did which I did not expect I would, and I am amazed. Seriously, I believe I needed some changes and therefore I challenged myself.

I guess I realized that I need to live as if I am dying soon; world end? Anyhow, I am extremely proud with myself as I carries the brand new me in ME. I make new friends almost every day, smile to almost everyone I meet, and respecting & appreciating what I have right now.

I strongly believe that this bold attitude of mine comes from the influences of my campaign, my experiences with my friends, and of course speeches which I had attended. I am truly thankful for all those awakening “slaps”! LOL!

Okay now comments on Twilight: New Moon... I have to say it is quite funny actually AND I totally totally think that the written version is indeed better! Other than having glimpse of Jacob's sexy body, I don't find anything else interesting (except that Alice is prettier!)

The whole movie is quite pathetic but somehow I LURVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE them!!! LOL! I just love vampire movies, so yea...


To Do? OR Not To Do?
N-geL

Luck-Less Me!

Actually I'm not hoping much in gaining or having anything...but somehow if I'm lucky, I might have something~ Sigh~ That pathetic fellow just missed my lucky number by 1 digit, yes one digit...

My lucky a.k.a luck-less number "056" and that pathetic fellow announced "055" Can you believe it? The grand prize is indeed luxurious and yes, I couldn't have it because that PATHETIC fellow pick the wrong NUMBER!!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

The saddest part is that the "fellow" I mentioned are really macho and "man-ly" and CUTE!!! Yikes!!! Else I would have the chance to "hold" and somehow try to "grab" his super "man" hand!!! kekekekeke

Sigh~ Nyway, I missed those chances but it's alright. God IS fair! God put me in to a situation where "Lizard" & me able to stood closely to each other. Muahahahahahahaha Seriously I don't like the way he look at me (He looks at me as if I did something sinful to him). Or maybe he's trying to play it cool? But often enough, I realize he kept on looking at me during classes (Well, I have to admit that he looks at me maybe because he realize I kept on looking at him). Muahahahahahahahahahaa

Silly~ Silly ME!


Luck? or Luck-Less?
N-geL

Life hurts...

For the past 23 years of my life, I have never seen mummy in her sick bed, looking extremely weak. It is pain to the eyes and heart to see her in that condition. Mummy was diagnosed with a cyst growth in her right ovary, so the gynecologist advice mummy to go for an operation. Well, she did and not she is well again but weak. I remember seeing her in the hospital bed lying unconsciously with tubes and needles. It is very painful. I cried. Hmmm…

Suddenly life seemed a little scary to me. I hate the fact that one day our loved ones will leave and rest peacefully in heaven. I hate the fact that love hurts even when it is sweet and blissful. I hate the fact that one had to go through mountains and rains in order to taste success and happiness. I hate almost everything but loved at the same time. I know I sounded insane but yes, this is what I am feeling.

I regret of doing things that hurt their hearts and regret doing it. I regret having to feel regretted. I am sick of having a slight pinch in my chest when I regretted on something. I have plenty of regrets. But if I were to have a turn-back-time, I will not change a single action. It is what I did in the past that leads me to where I am and how I am now. Without past and history, one is nothing but a plain sheet of paper without life.


Sigh~ I hate it when I hate it.
N-geL

Sicky Week

Exams over…

Results coming…

I’m worried hell and I’m scared…

But…what bother me most is..F-Y-P!!!
Hmmm…

And makes matter worse is I’m stuck at home…
Haih~~

What can/should I do???

Sicky Week...

Exams over…

Results coming…

I’m worried hell and I’m scared…

But…what bother me most is..F-Y-P!!!
Hmmm…

And makes matter worse is I’m stuck at home…
Haih~~

What can/should I do???

Showtime!

I did a movie marathon yesterday in Tropicana City after my Advanced PR paper. It feels so relaxing and I must admit I am quite relief, a ‘lil. Although there are not much food activity yesterday (which is better if there are PLENTY of food!!!), somehow I enjoyed!

My first flick:




Where Got Ghost? is a Singapore horror-comedy Chinese movie directed by Jack Neo. I don’t find the movie really nice but somehow it managed to make audiences have a good laugh. I don’t know the story seemed somehow weird to me (although there is moral-of-the-story thingy). The flow of the movie is separated into 3 parts; "Roadside Got Ghost", "Forest Got Ghost" and "House Got Ghost". The movie is trying to indicate that never try to offend or brag about ghosts and spirits.

My second flick:




Tsunami in Haeundae is a nice movie to catch. After all the flooded stress and tension in my mind (which I have been tortured for a month, and another 2 weeks to go), this movie somehow had drained my stress level. This movie shows the ugly sides of human as well as the good. Some would sacrifice themselves for another while some would be extremely self-centered. Hmmm… I cried like a baby in the cinema and I have to say it is NOT embarrassing! Almost all the presence female cried okay! (Hehehe… At least I’m not the girl who sobs yikes!)

My third flick:




The Ugly Truth! It is a nice movie (partly there are 2 cute guys) because I found some similarities of Abby Richter in ME!!! OMG!!! It is funny and factual. Like it’s title, the ugly truth about love, life, and sex! Yikes! It’s a must-watch movie if you luuuurrrrveeeeeee Gerard Butler because he is so yummy macho!!! Muahahahahhahahahahhahahahahaahah!!!!!


It had been a nice day though... More good days to come!!!


One Two Action!!
N-geL

Some people just love being miserable

People often encourage each other to be happy all the time. BUT have you ever noticed some people just love being miserable to keep them happy? No? Well, you are a real lucky being! I met and I have to interact with that sort of people 24/7! Well okay not 24/7 but almost for years! The next question from me will be “WHY enjoy being miserable just to keep you happy?”

I did everything I could to help BUT it’s a vain attempt! Sigh~ Perceptions, thoughts, assumptions, the way of viewing or seeing things are all nothing but a person’s personality. The way a person behaves, thinks, assume, or maybe sensing certain situation, things, or even a person are all base on their background. Everything a person does reflects on their background, what sort of person are they, what are their lifestyle, and much more. Sometimes prediction is applicable to them, too!

Nyway my main point is why this sort of people enjoy being miserable??? Miserable be it but why shower me with those suffering as well? Illogical isn’t it?

Nother painful experience I had encounter is having an ape around! I just don’t get it! Don’t all of us have our own mask to put on and characters to play? Okay maybe roles and characters are forgivable to impersonate BUT what about hobbies or the likes & dislikes or colours or choices of food or movies? WTF!!! Thank you very much but I enjoy having myself as the sole species! Gosh~

Seriously I hated many things in life especially a person’s attitude or character. I hate a person who loves being miserable, who loves to assume, who thinks negative, evil, or ill mannered, or those who enjoy taking people for granted. There more to list but never mind. No matter how concerned I am, things will still be the same…



Miserably…happy!
N-geL

Frensapiens...

I never truly understand why friends are sometimes sickening sapiens in life, really! I have to clarify that I DO love all my REAL friends (but I never know if they are the same) and most time I prioritize them after family (I’m the third in line, yikes!). I had been through rough and ugly moments with some of my acquaintances, friends, close friends, best friends, and ex-best friends and yes, it’s painful to the core! Gossips, boycotting, bad mouthing, pretender, slanted, and sometimes worse BACK STABBER!!! You name it, I’ve been through it! Sigh~

Nyway I am curios why do some friends are not friends? Or why are they being “selfish” at times? Or how come they are able to categorize or classify certain friends when that particular friend threats her/him like a family? W-H-Y?

Lately I have been feeling fag and worn out due to exam season & boredom sickness, so I am pretty much in sullen mode. Of course I am still all smiley and cherry to people I keep close to heart. What really disturbs me is…I am just CURIOUS…why friend’s friends couldn’t be my friend? Or why your friend could not hang out with me too? Why, of course I am not going to stash your friend away!!! I don’t know if this is the reason why some friend feels threatened. I don’t know…

I asked one of my bestie months back whether I am able to join her bunch for stress release vacation AND she hesitated. I understand she is concern about her crowd whether liking me (as an outsider) to fall in together, I really do understand. BUT what saddened me is she didn’t try to ask. If in turn I were her, I SWEAR I will persuade my crowd to let her in!

Okay maybe vacation is too much. Well, what about dinner union (just to sound cooler, eh)? She knew am having dinner alone, would it hurt or risky to ask me to join her & them for dinner? Wait, her friends knew me TOO!! I would NEVER do that to her or to any of my close best friends.

Another head-scratchy incident is when some friends would feel uncertain to spill out normal-everyday-conversation-topic/subject to me!!! LOL!! Sometimes my itchy mouth got itchy, I would ask “Who did you went out with the day before?” and the award winning answer would be “friend”! Oh gosh, am I being abusive towards your privacy now? I somehow believe it’s alright for friend to ask and concerned. (In sense of being KEPO lar!)

I read another friend’s friend e-diary blogging on why certain friends expressed ugly faces when most of them are having happy moments together. She is hitting the nail accurately in what I am trying to ask too! Hmmm…

I sometimes do feel invisible in my own world. I envy most of them for having wonderful external friends and I am indeed very happy for them. I stand and stare silently at the corner of their world and I BELIEVE none of them knew I existed standing there. It’s painful sometimes to see them so happy and being rubbed off from their wonderful world.

I guess I am losing my grip of importance in their life and wonder if it’s fixable? I don’t expect them to treat me like princess but somehow I wish I am and never will be forgotten like dust or rusty old machine.

Forget, forget me not!
N-geL

Sad Issue in Malaysia

Isn’t it funny how Homo sapiens can be really out of their mind sometimes? I am indeed extremely worried about the current problem that arises in KL where a group of unsatisfied Malays hold a demonstration. It is really sad to see those people attacking innocent animal like a cow, just because it is the Indian’s holly symbol. Gosh!! What could be leading these people into such act??

One of my close friend send me this link, go look at it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XHcHLB_Vss. Although the government had insisted of removing the video from the net but still there is no action taken! It’s really saddening to see that the government aren’t taking any action yet, whether towards those demonstrator or the video uploader…

Sadder...
N-geL

Dramaturgy

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players...

-Shakespeare-

Life's a stage, each of us have roles to play...
We are all behaving like an actor/actress,
Presenting ourselves to the world according to what the world expect of us...
Sometimes we let ourselves down, not knowing what else to do..... or expect...
Don't some of you agree that lives are somewhat difficult?
But come to think again, life is actually easy... if we allow them to...

Let me rest now.
I'm tired of being "Pseudowood" (there's Bollywood isn't it?)

One Two ACTION!
N-geL

the torturesome of exams

Final Year Projects, assignments, projects, and class activities are somewhat annoying to me because of the requirement of finishing them in a very short period of time and also the selection of group members.

But what would be more annoying and disturbing than all those? Ah Hah!!! Exams!!! Heck, I got to admit that I really dislike exams... It makes me really sick on my tummy and my head! Aarrgghhhhh~~~~

Alright, maybe I'm exaggerating but hey, it's killing me each time I'm about to view my result slip. Okay! Okay! I know I am the one to be blame due to my perfectionist attitude and my high expectation mindset. Hmmm....

I am bearing a really heavy burden on myself right now and hopefully I'll survive until the end of my final paper on the 28th!!! Oh God, I am so extremely nervous right now...

Duh~ I got to get my brain spinning again right now... Isk~


Brain Brain
N-geL

Frenz...missing

I miss all of you, my fellow friends… suddenly I felt lonely, lonesome…

All of you are far away, some miles away, some really further…

When will we gather and laugh together like the old days?

Will we lend our shoulders to each other when sadness falls?

Why do we have to grow up and leave?

Why do we forget and ignore when we used to be close together?

I can’t seem to get in touch with anyone of you girls even when you girls are online…

Why? What happened? Am I forgotten? Am I worthless to be remembered and entertained?

Gosh… I never realize how things could turn out to be these bad…

Sigh~ I bet none of you will even realize I wrote this and this meant for you… None…

the misery of death

Have you ever wonder where people goes when they're "sleeping"? I couldn't help but to allow these pathetic question ponder in my head. My grandpa passed away recently and am upset... I doubted grandpa's death because he "sleeps" so suddenly! I remember meeting him two weeks ago before he fell into a really deep sleep!!! It's not fair...

Actually I am happy that grandpa finally "sleeps" because I couldn't bear to see him suffer, the pain that causes him to cringe all the time. He hardly feels happy too as his children are constantly arguing and quarreling... How could they do this to grandpa when he is already so sick?

Can anyone educate me on the reasons of all these mean and horrible happening? I mean it's they're father, so why are they arguing? Shouldn't they pay more time and attention to grandpa? I saw grandpa shed tears when he overheard his children argument. It's really heart aching!

After grandpa's departure from homosapiens world, mother is emtremely upset. For the first time in my life, I saw regrets in mother's eyes. I couldn't help but to feel sorry for her. I knew from the very beginning that mother actually do love grandpa, it's grandpa who doesn't love her as much as she does. Grandpa is bias most of the time and I am not angry of him for doing that.

Why bother remembering all those upsetting memories when he is no longer here to correct his mistakes? The few regrets that i bear now are not giving him the best and to treat him better although he don't love me as much as he does for the rest of my cousins. Hmmm....

Brother and me are really upset and we both grief for the lost. I just hope the rest of the family would learn to appreciate grandpa's love and affection towards them because brother and me do not have any of those... They've taken things for granted which somehow trigger my anger a lil. Hmm...

The question asked is still not answered and I believe nobody could give answer that... I prayed everyday hoping that I would not encounter such happening again as it's too painful for me, and partly I don't wish to see any of my loved ones suffer from such pain...

Misery... Regrets... Pain... They haunt only after you've lost someone you loved... So never ever take those around you for granted...