A Compelling Force

Pressure - A stranger would identify me as a happy person with no worries but people whom are dear to me would detect insanity in me. I may look bubbly at all times (and sometimes crazily sampat-ed) but deep down, I am suffering from an inordinate, dangerous, brain-sick stress; from work and working environment.

Insanity - The people here are crazy, nobody's sane. Some are plainly selfish & dang! they are very good in "tai chi-ing"! Even the tasks here are crazy! I am beginning to feel insanity as well. I am working each day with nothing but anger. Gosh~ I think I gonna have lotsa' grey hair soon~ 

Assessment - Everybody loves to give judgment based on surface without knowing what is inside. People often thinks that their perception and judgment were right and what they did not know is that each criticism they gave could insult one's dignity. Though it is wrong, people are still doing this.

Sincerity - There are zero honesty and sincerity here. Everyone are smiling from ear to ear but NEVER could trust them. Okay, I have to  admit that not everyone here are insincere, that for sure but majority are fake. We are all adults but acting like a kindergartener! Damn it!

Exhausted - I am getting very tired each day, already. Seriously, I am not going to quit this easily but I will definitely find a way to get myself out of here. Or maybe to improve my way of looking at this sore-eyed people.

Chill... Relax...
N-geL

Get the engine started

Engine - Well it is nothing mechanical, mostly brainy~ During my first two weeks at work, I nearly lost track of my brain's location. But after a month since I started my work, my brain goes hail-wire!!! Then and there I realized, the engine is getting started. Hmmm... The journey will be long, though. I wonder if the engine compartments could survive such journey...

Bearable - As the engine is moving, I hope the other parts of the whole machine is going to stay out together.My body, the machine, might not be able to bear any much longer if this condition continues. No, there isn't much pressure but it's the working environment that kills~ Of course the people are difficult, but I don't know~ Sigh~


Rides~
N-geL

Disappointment

Rumours - I came upon an upsetting news today during dinner. My colleague told me that on one fine evening,  Mr. D went out for a drink with his colleague and a student trainee. After several drinks, Mr. D actually went home with his colleague (a female colleague) and what happen next, there is no need of further elaboration. I do not know how valid this news could be, but I admit that I am affected by it.

Feelings - I am upset and disappointed. How could I not be? No, I am not in love with him but I definitely had some chemistry for him. It is weird. I always hated the way friends make fun of me (fooling me verbally with a guy, making me unconsciously had feelings for him). Sigh~ However, it is not like the world is ending. I am still alright.

Theories - Why does it always have to be like this? I almost banish my theory on Genting guys but now it is all proven right, again and again. Why does relationships in Genting was always this complicated?

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N-geL

Uh oh~

Feelings - Okay, I am admitting in being bubbly whenever I saw him i.e office or out. It feels strange that I actually feel good whenever he walk past (even though he did not look into my direction) and
I often had the tendency to stare at his back! Damn, I am screwing my feelings right now~

Man - To not be rude, I shall start with a brief introduction of him. Names D, originated from Malacca (just like me) & stayed in Cheng  (I lived there too!!!). He is not very tall, quite fair, average looking with toned body, average sized eyes, and he is a hell of a gentleman! He looks good in both casual & formal wear!!! Sigh~

Attitude - The main attraction I had on him is that he knows how to treat a lady well. It is darn difficult to meet a guy like him here~ Oh goodness, he is a real man, I shall say. He is very sensitive towards his surrounding, knowing what to do or how to act like how a man should be like when there are ladies around.

Bad - However the sad part is that he smokes and enjoyed drinking~ He drinks every single day!!! And I strongly suspected that he is addicted to GYM!!! He goes to gym whenever he has the chance to do so~ Sigh~

Confusion - So how? My friends told me that I am being obvious in liking him already (not towards him but my group of friends BUT I don't felt so at all).Somehow the good part is that he seemed oblivious about this~ LOL~ I will have to buried my head if he knows!

Destiny - I shall let my fate decide my destiny~ Lol~


Love, shall we?
N-geL

Lost

New - It has been months since I last blog and there is a reason for this: job & employment~ After my finals in university, I had been searching high and low for suitable jobs & it takes around a month or more to get myself attached for interviews. I tried applying several companies that I had interest in but there were no responds from any of them. So finally I gave in, applied RWG, and got myself tangled in to the company now.

Adaption - For the first few days reporting to work, I had a very strong desire to tender my resignation letter as the working environment was somewhat terrible. They had a very bad management and system. I was devastated.

Work - The first week was hell for me and the following weeks are somewhat like a survival training. From then on, I kept on polishing my surviving skills, just so I would not feel suffocated. Work was okay, it is just the people that makes it worst~ Hmmm...

People - I had this "boss" where he enjoyed bullying newcomers. To make matter worst, he had this sidekick, a girl, whom is selfish. I do not understand their actions as to why being such an asshole when they can actually be nice. Sigh~ Anyway, this pathetic "boss" resigned (he tender his resignation months back) leaving behind his "beloved" sidekick which I loathed a lot. Overall, the other colleagues are allright.

Myself - However until today, I am having trouble getting through this. I am, seriously, having a hairy eyeball on my friend (who works in other sections) as her section is way better than mine. It is not easy for me to accept my life's changes but I know I had to... Lately I had been picking up bad values, worst practicing it; negativity. I started to obtain bad thinking, feelings, as well as perceptions. I do not want to let my bubbly side glide away as I will lose myself but... it is not easy for me to go all bubbly here~ 

Suffocation - I feel devastated and suffocated. I am not happy here. However I am challenging myself, giving myself another chance to prove that I am capable of doing anything without losing myself. I do not want to back down without trying. It makes no sense to go all down for tiny matters. 

Abracadabra - There, I need miracle~ 

Wrong Tuning~

N-geL

Nothing

Solitary - I am a solitary traveler in my own life journey, similar to a troglodyte. I often faced with boredom and tiresome. No, it's not like I have nobody, it's just that the feeling ain't right. I have a loving family with plenty of real-great-friends but still, I just don't feel right. I don't know why. When life is just too easy, it's driving me crazy.

Job - I am worried about my job hunting thingy as I am still jobless right now. Korean Airline & Genting's P&E Dept had selected me for the preliminary interview sessions and am now waiting for the final session. The interview sessions were "normal", nothing unusual about it. But during the interview sessions, I was extremely nervous!

Speechless - There are so much to talk about but I am unable to express it all out~ The aching feeling I am feeling right now is totally unspeakable... How I wish I could just turn off myself...

Sigh~ 

N-geL

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I am jobless & am broke

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N-geL