Life hurts...

For the past 23 years of my life, I have never seen mummy in her sick bed, looking extremely weak. It is pain to the eyes and heart to see her in that condition. Mummy was diagnosed with a cyst growth in her right ovary, so the gynecologist advice mummy to go for an operation. Well, she did and not she is well again but weak. I remember seeing her in the hospital bed lying unconsciously with tubes and needles. It is very painful. I cried. Hmmm…

Suddenly life seemed a little scary to me. I hate the fact that one day our loved ones will leave and rest peacefully in heaven. I hate the fact that love hurts even when it is sweet and blissful. I hate the fact that one had to go through mountains and rains in order to taste success and happiness. I hate almost everything but loved at the same time. I know I sounded insane but yes, this is what I am feeling.

I regret of doing things that hurt their hearts and regret doing it. I regret having to feel regretted. I am sick of having a slight pinch in my chest when I regretted on something. I have plenty of regrets. But if I were to have a turn-back-time, I will not change a single action. It is what I did in the past that leads me to where I am and how I am now. Without past and history, one is nothing but a plain sheet of paper without life.


Sigh~ I hate it when I hate it.
N-geL