Frensapiens...

I never truly understand why friends are sometimes sickening sapiens in life, really! I have to clarify that I DO love all my REAL friends (but I never know if they are the same) and most time I prioritize them after family (I’m the third in line, yikes!). I had been through rough and ugly moments with some of my acquaintances, friends, close friends, best friends, and ex-best friends and yes, it’s painful to the core! Gossips, boycotting, bad mouthing, pretender, slanted, and sometimes worse BACK STABBER!!! You name it, I’ve been through it! Sigh~

Nyway I am curios why do some friends are not friends? Or why are they being “selfish” at times? Or how come they are able to categorize or classify certain friends when that particular friend threats her/him like a family? W-H-Y?

Lately I have been feeling fag and worn out due to exam season & boredom sickness, so I am pretty much in sullen mode. Of course I am still all smiley and cherry to people I keep close to heart. What really disturbs me is…I am just CURIOUS…why friend’s friends couldn’t be my friend? Or why your friend could not hang out with me too? Why, of course I am not going to stash your friend away!!! I don’t know if this is the reason why some friend feels threatened. I don’t know…

I asked one of my bestie months back whether I am able to join her bunch for stress release vacation AND she hesitated. I understand she is concern about her crowd whether liking me (as an outsider) to fall in together, I really do understand. BUT what saddened me is she didn’t try to ask. If in turn I were her, I SWEAR I will persuade my crowd to let her in!

Okay maybe vacation is too much. Well, what about dinner union (just to sound cooler, eh)? She knew am having dinner alone, would it hurt or risky to ask me to join her & them for dinner? Wait, her friends knew me TOO!! I would NEVER do that to her or to any of my close best friends.

Another head-scratchy incident is when some friends would feel uncertain to spill out normal-everyday-conversation-topic/subject to me!!! LOL!! Sometimes my itchy mouth got itchy, I would ask “Who did you went out with the day before?” and the award winning answer would be “friend”! Oh gosh, am I being abusive towards your privacy now? I somehow believe it’s alright for friend to ask and concerned. (In sense of being KEPO lar!)

I read another friend’s friend e-diary blogging on why certain friends expressed ugly faces when most of them are having happy moments together. She is hitting the nail accurately in what I am trying to ask too! Hmmm…

I sometimes do feel invisible in my own world. I envy most of them for having wonderful external friends and I am indeed very happy for them. I stand and stare silently at the corner of their world and I BELIEVE none of them knew I existed standing there. It’s painful sometimes to see them so happy and being rubbed off from their wonderful world.

I guess I am losing my grip of importance in their life and wonder if it’s fixable? I don’t expect them to treat me like princess but somehow I wish I am and never will be forgotten like dust or rusty old machine.

Forget, forget me not!
N-geL